Hope You Can Hear Me…

I lost my voice today. I had the beginnings of a sore throat yesterday, but I was still surprised when I woke up this morning, turned to speak to my wife, and nothing came out but a croaking-squeaking sound like a frog being squeezed by a little kid.

After that I was limited to no more than a whisper for most of the day – occasionally I’ve been able to clear my throat and work up to a half-sentence of completely unintelligible gibberish, like when I’ve been forced to answer the phone. The hilarious part is the reaction of the people on the other end. There’s a pause when I answer, as they try to figure out whether they’ve called the right number, or if I’ve been replaced in my cubicle by some demon who speaks in tongues.

Face-to-face conversations have been even funnier. I’ve had several instances where I know the other person hasn’t heard what I whispered and croaked at them, but they are too embarrassed to ask me to repeat myself. Those conversations have mostly ended with a shouted-over-the-shoulder-as-they-retreat-from-my-germs “Okay then, maybe we’ll talk about that on MONDAY.”

But the best was this morning’s meeting with three other members of the Finance and Information Systems teams. We were debating an issue that we all feel strongly about in our own ways, and the conversation was getting more contentious as it worked its way around the circle towards me. Each successive person was speaking a little more loudly and forcefully than the one before, as everyone sought to establish their position in the debate. When it was my turn, I launched full-steam into my explanation of why I thought the idea being debated was numbskulled and a waste of time – but once again, I could speak no louder than a whisper.

At that point, the discussion degenerated into a free-for-all, with everybody interrupting and talking over everybody else. But every time I would interject, it would be in a whisper, and slowly the talking became quieter and quieter. Soon the other people had all reduced their voices to whispers, without even realizing it. To someone looking into the office, we must have looked like a bunch of ten-year old girls, whispering secrets in the back seat of dad’s station wagon.

I finally had to laugh when I needed to ask one of the other guys to speak up, because I couldn’t hear him. You know, maybe I’ll try this whispering thing out on my kids.