working it through

 A little slower tonight…

Should try to use CBT to talk it through.  Don’t really want to but need to.  Still so Angry… capitalize angry cuz I’m ANGRY.  And sick… sick and angry.  I’m sure they’re related.  Why… I just know.  She sucks.  She does… But why?  Because she never listens to me.  I try and try to be patient but she gets away with everything… everything in an emotional sense.  I feel I have to take the burden for everyone.  So I shouldn’t.  If something pisses me off, I should call her out.  If something makes me mad, I need to speak up.  But I feel I can because when I do she acts like a child.  Honestly, a child.  So why can’t I let her act like a child?  Would it be so wrong?  What would happen?  Let me work this out.. if she acts like a child over something I feel is right then I should stand my ground.  Don’t back down.  It would lead to at least a discussion I would think.  Would hope.  What would I be afraid of if she didn’t?  Didn’t have a talk.  It would be up to her I guess.  That would be good.  If I let her act out maybe it would then be HER problem and not mine.  I mean it would involve me but she would have to account for her own actions.  If I freak out it gives her an excuse.  If im wrong so be it, but if I truly feel I’m right then it can’t be so bad for me.  That would be a problem… I mean I take on her problems and excuses and actions by letting her get by under the cover of my own emotions.  Stand up, take a stand, tell people how you feel and let them deal with their own emotions per sae.  Makes sense… I think.  If I can recognize my own feelings as true and valid in a calm matter then she can deal with her own.  I must be calm though thru the initial childish reaction which is common place in her family, and for her.  Yeah, that is the first bit of sense I have made on the matter.  Fine.  Could and will help me… have to help me to make it through.

Will try some CBT.  Remember to stand up and stand up straight and be aware of me.