Tired of it all….

SIGH…

Seems the same is happeneing again.  Back in the same rutt.  Back in the same hole.  Need to be motivated?  Still so angry.  Just don’t care.  Why don’t I care?  I don’t know.  I can’t be bothered.  Where does caring get me?  I try to hard to do everything right.  I have tried my entire life to do the right thing and what does it get me?  crazy, unhealthy, bipolar, separatted, divorced and alone.  Always alone.  No one calls, no one writes, no one seems to care.  Oh I get the fake sympathy from the one person I shouldn’t get fake sympathy from.  I should write her a letter.  THat might be a good idea.  That might actually help.  Lay it all out.  I guess I can’t hold it all in forever.  Not good for me at all.  I also think I need to just start telling everyone what is going on with my marriage.  It’s in bits, and I can’t keep hiding.  God, think of how you feel when everyone one asks "How’s your wife?" and I give the same BS story over and over…. god… sick of lying about it.  Just face the fuckin music, it might make you feel better.

Wow, I actually feel teary-eyed over feeling bad for myself.  I’m not sure if it’s good or bad.  I can’t cry over anything lately but I can cry feeling bad for myself?!?!?!  I don’t get me.

And does spell checker EVER work??!?!?!?!