the new and the old

Hey everyone

I joined OD in 2011, and I’ve known great people that I I still consider friends despite the fact that I lost contact with them.

I only found out that OD was back in the last weeks and thank GOD I rememebred my username and the password because I had an outlook email that sucked and still sucks.

Because I was not checking on OD or my email around the time OD shut down I didn’t know about the shotdown until it was too late so imagine how happy I was when a chance of seeing my old entries presented itself.

I wrote a lot of things here, things that I went over and some made me cry ,some made me laugh and some was so embarssing to read, the things I considered important back when I was 16 and 17 are just outragous and stupid, like major stupid. And I must apologize to people who actually took the time to answer on some of my entries(the ones that talked about stupid BS ) and also thank them for humoring me.

Not everything I wrote here was stupid , some of it was and still really sad and miserable, some details that I forgot about brought me to tears when I went through it . When I started OD I was the happiest, I might’ve not known it then but I realized it later and out of the blue I was going down a bit by bit. Do I regeret a lot of things I did back then? Yes but not all, but do you know what I regret the most, not changing things, things that should’ve changed but I was in the survive mode, that as long as things seemed ok to everyone else nothing else mattered.

I think if there is one advice I feel obliged to give is :ask around if you don’t like how things go, change things or places or whatever while you still can, don’t be fooled by people’s praise when you know you’re unhappy, this is your life. Of course it’ll seem like there is no way out when you keep asking the same people that know as much as you if not less. And most importantly do what you’re good at even if doing something else seems better. It’s my biggest regret, choose to fit in and fake been good at something that I do not like instead of getting up and do what I love even if that meant doing it over again, I was 20 then and I thought it was too late to do it all over but I am 25 now and I would kill for a chance to do that. A chance to start over despite what anybody thinks. I know 25 is still young but in the past it was about time but now it is about time and money, and most importantly I can not give up on something that I and a lot of people prayed for, yes I didn’t expect it to trigger so much feelings, so much insecurities I burried hoping it will never rise to surface, but of course it had to and now I can only beat myself up over the past, and wish I did things differnetly, I wish I knew what I know now, it would’ve made all the difference.

Any way! I hope some of the old members are still here! And if there was one thing I really want people to do is to have fun and do what you love, espicially in your twenties, it’s your chance to try it all espicially if you don’t have anybody to care for! Make decisions and do things, try it and don’t be a coward. I prefered to do what other people wanted because i was afraid of taking responsability for my actions in case I failed. That feeling of fake certainity is not worth it!