me and my pysics tutoring teacher

 I thought that I should talk about  what most happend beore my final test AKA before I graduated.

well;in the biginning of the second semester I decide to change  my physics tutoring so I started with a new teacher;the room was crowded and you batterly can find a place but I wasn’t neither excited or nervous surprisely because I was depressed back then I didn’t set my hopes on this teacher.I just hoped to understand so I get in however I can’t say that I understood almost nothingthing since they were doing exercices so I relised that I missed the lesson but that teacher set his eyes on me and he took me by surprise and ask me a question:it was so embaressing when I didn’t know the answer,I didn’t though he will ask since I’m new and the answer of the question was in front me but I was scared and shocked.the point is that in the first courts he had to ask me a question or two and that made me pay more attention.than he start asking me after the courts if I understand and which lessons I need help in and ask me to revise what he teach us.

now;there was this day when he came to me and ask me If I inderstand the lesson that was "the mecanics"and i said yes.he told me if I did the exercice that he gave to us and I said that I only did this one and this one and this time I didn’t lie I actually did them;than I left but I came back after an hour because i had maths tutoring in the same place,I was sitting on a chair because I came early than I went to the bathroom than  he come off from this room the second I went to bathroom so I stayed in the bathroom until he left and than I come off because I though he left than I set on my chair again and here is he again getting out from the same room,he saw me and ask me the same question:it’s seems that he went back to the room when I actually though he left.

any way there is no need to tell you how much I was happy because I finnaly felt someone cared about me after the whole deprssion thing I wasn’t excpeting from any one to do nice thing for me;I actually was sure that he wouldn’t notice me or even remember since I’m easy to forget but no he actuaaly cared,he actually saw something in me that no one including me didn’t saw.

after a while he stopped asking me or making eye contact with me so i was wondering what I did aven i was douting that it was because of this time when i was sitting on this roome and i kept looking at him than he turned aroud so I pretend I was looking to something else;I mean you can’t blame me for liking him,he was the only one who made feel happy and didn’t make me feel that i was ugly or stupid without mention that my face was half full with acne;I liked him more than a teacher and he wasn’t young and of course I did not want to admit it because liking teacher and espicially the tutoring was never a good idea.

when it was a week before the final test I almost lost hope but there was a part of me still wishing he would talk to me and that’s what happend when he asked and made eye contact with me in class GOD I just wanted to jump but I couldn’t since I was in the class.

the day before the last I was scared and so depressed:one day for the final test;he prayed to us asking us to forgive him than I start crying than I shake hands with him and he looked at me in a way that I’ll never forget however when i saw my best friend crying i start crying except that I couldn’t stop than I felt my heart like it will stop beating and I couldn’t breath,I tryed but it was so hard I felt dizzinzss and I start shaking but deep down I want it him to see me maybe he will care;my dad took me home;don’t get me wrong I wasn’t acting that was true and it was the first time happening to me.

the next day i relised that I embaressed my self and that he probably didn’t care until this girl telling me that he asked all the girls about what happend to me and he was waiting until i left  with dad.no need to tell how i felt.

well,I didn’t have the chance to thank him and to be honest I’m too shy to do it.however that happiness I felt didn’t last  when i found out that he may be married not divorced as the rumors say and guess when i knew that before less than 24 hours before my final test.

I was convinced that I’m don’t longer like him but i love him but after the final test I relised that I am the most stupid human in earth because instead of being nervous about my test I was thinking of him,honestly I want it to make him proud of me;I want it to let him know that I deserved to be cared about;I deserved him taking care of me and if he knew that I graduted I hope he will be happy.