good enough

will I ever feel good enough? How can I simultaneously believe I deserve the best but also feel worthless? Why do I feel this need to prove to people I’m worthy? Why do I believe that everyone think less of me? Why do I believe that people want me to settle? And do I care?

I’m 30, I thought I would stop caring by now, but here I am feeling bad about myself, seeing other women being confident while all I want is to die, I feel like my grave would be peaceful, I wouldn’t have to deal with all these emotions of self pity, anger, frustration and worthlessness.

I have so much to be grateful for, I know that, I am aware of it, but it has become so easy to descend to this black hole.

I just want to love myself, to trust myself without needing people’s approval, I just want to stop caring what others think of me, or what I think they think of me.