feelling like a loser

I’m sorry for not posting since long time.

any way I was fighting with my feelings of disspointment and failure plus depression.I think I have vacation depression.I mean I was so exciting for this vacation and now look at me I’m all depressd and what ever I did it still feel like I’m nothing like I’m such a creep who doesn’t undrstand her self,who doesn’t undrstand her own emotions.

I am the fourth on my my class in this first semester and I’m not really satisfied about it because I feel I was so lazy and I didn’t work so hard and instead I keep fooling my self while people were working and laughing at me telling me that they are in the same boot with me.liars!!any way I moved on that but the problem is that this vacation that started since monday supposed to be about working hard and fix my confidence problems.however here I am still not working on my confidence problem and I actually I already did the summary of science and physics but I don’t know why I still feel like I’m nothing like I did nothing.

I don’t know who I am any more because I stayed for a long time comparing my self with others.and I simply don’t know with what to start or how.do I really need someone to be with me so I’ll succed?do I need  friend?do I need A doctor?do I need a life coach?do I need louise in plain jane?but I don’t have neither the money or the confidence to do it.and by the way I live in a country in africa.nothing is available here.

GOD!I think I’m really sick like for reel.I probably have severe depression and no doubt that I have anexity didorder and no self esteem or confidence.and the most terrible thing is that this is the year I’m senior and it’s my chance to get to the medical school or not if I stayed like that leaving my enemies drinking of my blood.every one tell me that I’m too skinny and I can see why.I mean I barely eat something because I’m not hungry and because my brain is too busy thinking of me is inworthless human being.

you still think you’re sick?