It should of ended when we did

I still have nightmares about you most nights with last night being the most in one night. The majority of them are you trying to kill me and torturing me.. over time I started having dreams about you dying then eventually me missing you and you ignoring me.

Those dreams are the worst to me because a few seconds after I wake up I really do miss you and it pisses me off. You don’t deserve for me to miss you let alone to even think about you. I avoid the places I love to help keep from running into you and now I catch myself trying to avoid sleep as long as possible.

I have a good life now.. I own a business that is taking off, I’m married to my best friend, I have a house full of cats and dogs and I’m even making a difference in our community helping so many people on a daily basis… but some days I just wish you would of killed me like you said you were going to. Because even with everything going right for me I can’t get the memories to go away. I want to forget you and everything that happened. I want to let all of it go and not be afraid to go out alone in my own town. I don’t want to jump when I see someone who looks like you. I don’t want to get nervous when I see a new message request. I just wish everything ended when our relationship did.