“Are You Sure I’m Not the Problem?”

“Are you sure I’m not the problem?” my husband asked right after I said I didn’t want to have $ex right now. Thanks for making me feel like a piece of shit…

Any other women just not NEED $ex all the time, everyday, etc. Sheesh! I can’t just “be ready to go!”

I’m on mental overload 24/7. He works 7 days a week 8-12 hour shifts. I’m a mom of two, a business owner, manage our household, and we have two dogs.

Our kids, I’m home with them 24/7 besides when I actually have to go out for my business. Bed, baths, meals, EVERYTHING. He helps when he’s home, but between work & sleep, he isn’t with us much. When he is home or active with us, the kids want me, they’re used to me. They don’t want dad opening their applesauce or yogurt, getting them dressed, giving them a bath, or putting them to bed. They want mommy!

My business, it’s a one man show. I do it all. I don’t have employees. I do it all alone. I schedule around my husband’s work schedule, my kids’ school schedules, their extracurriculars, plus anything personal going on such as birthday parties, events, and appointments. My business runs around them. Now that school is back in, I have even less time because I used to stay up half the night doing my at-home work… which now that I have a kiddo to get on the bus early af, I can’t do that anymore. So my business is suffering.

Our household, I do the majority of everything; grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, taking care of our dogs, managing the schedule and making sure everyone is where they need to be. I make sure the kids have the things they need for school, they don’t have clothes in their closets that are too small. That’s. All. On. Me.

Our dogs; our dogs aren’t very needy, aside from attention… but what dog isn’t?! I take them to the vet, I make sure they get their meds, food, and water. I let them out to potty. They don’t get walked near as often as they should because well…. I tried that once… two kids and two dogs, that was hell by myself.

I’m also on a weightless journey trying to take care of myself. I need to be walking or exercising everyday, that doesn’t happen like I had hoped. But that’s what happens when you’re practically a married, yet single mom because your husband is never home.

My husband is amazing, seriously! I don’t think I’ve ever known a man to be as great as he is. But at the same time, I need a freaking break. Lately, I can’t even breathe because I have so much on my plate and it just keeps piling up… He tries to help when he can or thinks about it, yesterday he did homework with our oldest, I was so appreciative because it literally was after school before her practice and then after practice, more homework. Then there’s other times, he tries to help and I have to go behind him and clean up, so it’s like what’s the point. He took the trash out because it was trash night, emptied both bathroom cans, our kitchen, and took it to the curb. But I had to go behind after he went to work that night because he didn’t replace the garbage bags in the cans… it would have taken two seconds… yes, two seconds and I probably shouldn’t complain, but damn it, just do it so I don’t have to go back after you. I despise cleaning the bathrooms, so I’ll OCCASIONALLY ask him to do it or he’ll see it’s on my list to do and he’ll do it. Cleaning a bathroom includes cleaning the mirror, the floor, the baseboards, and behind the toilet etc… but for some reason these things are left undone every. single. time. Sooooo if you’re just going to clean the toilet and wipe down the sink, leave it & I’ll do the FULL JOB rather than going back and cleaning around what you’ve done.

Can you kind of understand why $ex is the last thing on my mind? and why when I’m this overwhelmed?

I want to be physically and emotionally involved in our $ex… because if I’m not, it’s not the same. But I can’t be emotionally involved when I can’t turn my brain off. There’s times I can and want to, we had $ex 4 times last week! Our $ex is great, literally the best ever. I just don’t necessarily want or NEED it all the time. I’M. ON. OVERLOAD. and I’m on overload, more than I’m not.

But then he asks questions like today, that just make me feel like a really shitty wife and I hate it! So while it’s not you, it sometimes is because of the stupid shit you do that adds to my list of things to do, but most of the time, it’s my freaking brain being on overload, stressed, and maxed out to the fullest.