Shopping addiction + soooo exhausted.

Would LOVE to hear from other shopping addicts on how you combat this! 😉  So – when I get stressed, or are going through some life changes that leave me uncertain – my go to is online SHOPPING.  Yup.  Some people binge eat, drink alcohol, what have you – I shop.  Not one is really better than the other – your money is being blown and you aren’t doing anything to better yourself.

I wish there was a thing as “stress reading self-help books.”  So anyway – I’ll be upfront, I’m very fortunate that my husband and I make good money (not without having really shitty jobs and working our way up dysfunctional corporate ladders) – and we are *generally* good with our money, but UGH… I get to clicking (Banana Republic, Nordstrom, what have you) – and the next thing you know, I’ve spent a mortgage payment on 8 pairs of the same jean and a romper that will end up with the tags still on it, acquiring dust in my closet a year from now.  🙁

I need to seriously watch that!  I say this as there is a large bag of things I need to return in my living room right now.

Anyway – just talking about it makes me realize at least I acknowledge the problem?  Now stop clicking “check-out”, DAMMIT!  😀

PS – don’t you HATE how easy they make it?!  They store literally ALL of your info so its one click.  Like check out, done.  UGH.  STOP MAKING IT SO EASY.  LOL.

Moving onto the exhausted part – last post, I told you all how I started a new job this month which is really taxing, in the sense that everyday you are put into some tense and judgmental situations.  What I mean by judgmental, is for instance – today I had to conduct a mock-presentation with on of our co-founders.  Yeah… f-ing stressful.  And it’s like – for me, when I have things like that the next day, I can’t focus.  I can’t work out, can’t get my life organized, can’t even do things as simple as make myself dinner… like if I have something at work that’s causing me stress, I can’t continue the rest of my life like I normally do.  Does that make sense?  I guess to put it in Layman’s terms – I cannot compartmentalize.   One thing stresses me out, and my whole life comes crumbling down!

Another thing is I went off my medication on Sunday.  Sounds bad, but it’s hormonal medication that I need to go off for a couple weeks before I can get back on.  And let me tell you – that has thrown me the F off.  I do attribute some of my exhaustion to that, as well.  Perfect storm, of sorts.  It’s so bad that I get right home, around 5 pm and crawl into bed.  Tonight, I literally FORCED myself to take K (my doggie) out to potty.  It’s bad!  My anemia might be acting up again too.  For the most part, I am in a position to where I need a week; just in my bed.  LOL.  And Staircase on Netflix.

I did run this week!  On Tuesday.  Did 6 miles before work, which always puts me in SUCH a better mood.  Will probably do that again tomorrow, and then a long one – maybe 10-11 on Saturday.  Running literally clears my mind and puts everything into perspective.  It truly is my happy place!

This post is everywhere but quick vent session – my company has a couple of sports teams and since I played college sports, of course I’m often times involved.  Tonight – I was feeling rough, obviously exhausted, and I just didn’t have the where with all to spend 2 hours playing softball and not get home until 10 pm.  So I backed out, EVEN THOUGH I signed up to play tonight and did leave my team hanging.  I know, I’m bad!  HOWEVER – I needed a night off.  And I don’t love how they like, kind of get on you about it?!  :/ LIke OH YOU’RE NOT COMING?!  It’s like no – I’m not coming to our meaningless slowpitch softball game in which the field is 2 hours away and the other team is drunk anyway… LOL.  Sorry.  Thanks for letting me vent about that.  I hate being  a flake but it IS what it is!

Moving onto ANOTHER topic of slight annoyance right now – my gym.  Interesting, I know.  So in August of last year, I found a personal training gym right down the street from my house.  Super convenient, right?  It’s one of those class-type settings where they literally tell you what to do – lift, abs, etc.  It honestly – is fine.  Like I have no complaints.  I think the biggest thing is I just don’t… enjoy it?  And I have no friends there?  So I just go, and tbh, I’m the YOUNGEST person there by like 20 years.  Which is NO big deal at all; I don’t care about that, I just haven’t been able to connect with anyone.  I also have been enjoying running so much more.  I pay $170 a month and don’t feel like I’m getting enough out of it :/  My trainer is probably disappointed in me but I can’t help when I don’t enjoy things anymore!  Running is my main source of exercise and what I most enjoy doing.  To be honest, SHOULD I go to the gym?  Ugh.  Yes.  But having someone to go with would be easier :/

Anyway – for God sake.  I know I literally have SO many first world problems.  I hope I don’t sound pretentious, and if I do, I’m sorry.  My life is a little nuts right now but for the most part, they are all good things.  And I’m very thankful for that!

Do any of you have dogs?  Do you ever feel like bad dog parents?  I do. 🙁  So my husband and I rescued K a year ago, in March.  We simply ADORE him.  He truly is a blessing and I enjoy every moment I spend with the little guy.  However – I mentioned rescue, and you don’t acquire a rescue dog without some baggage.  K is NUTS.  He is anti-social, has a tough time around other dogs and people.  He’s honestly gotten IMMENSELY better since we got him, but we still can’t do things like take him hiking, or my work allows dogs and I could NEVER take him to work… there are a few things that are just all over the place when it comes to him.  And because of that, I feel like he doesn’t have the best exercise regimen possible. 🙁 I’m REALLY hard on myself if I can’t take him to play every day – but everything comes with stipulations.  I see some dog parents take their doggies EVERYWHERE – to dog parks, on long walks, etc., and we realistically could do some of that but not well.  🙁  It’s something I am striving on being better at.  I did get a dog training book that I really need to focus on with K and helping him.  But it’s a matter of finding time to actually get him trained up!  Maybe I need to start doing a better day of planning my days, hour by hour.  I feel like lately it’s work and then a mush of random shit… like writing on Open Diary.  LOL.  Maybe a bit more structure would help!

Anyway – that’s enough writing for tonight, I think.  Thanks for listening!

Much love,

~Elle.