Mother in Law

We all have them right?  Mother in law issues.  Lol.

I feel really bad for posting this, mainly because Mitchell (being my husband) is a sweet man who really doesn’t deserve my wrath when it comes to his Mom.  But I have to admit–I am not a fan, at all.  And I’ve tried to be.

I will say, his mom is mentally unstable to the point where she certainly needs help (this is coming from someone, myself, who is also mentally unstable and DOES get help for it).  She often throws minor temper tantrums that result in tears and anger, as well as creates some uncomfortable situations.  And do you know those people who say things, and on the surface, they are seemingly innocent, but you know deep down they were meant to cut?  Yes, she’s one of those.  Mitchell insists that she “doesn’t realize what she says” but after living with my grandma who does the exact same thing, I know better.  I also really don’t understand her motives or intentions.  She regularly attends and is actively involved in church, so I’d like to think they are *good*, but to be completely frank, I really just don’t know.

It’s been bothering me a lot lately.  I feel horrible.  I want to just love her and be okay with being around her.  But truth is, everything she does and says stresses me out; even being around her or FaceTiming her (since she lives 5 states away) stresses me out.  That has to count for something right?!  My instincts must not be completely off.

Here are some examples of why I have a hard time with her:

1. Mitchell went through some massive childhood trauma when his Dad cheated on his family and left.  His mom, instead of being there for Mitchell and his sister, decided to drown herself in work, leaving Mitchell largely to care for himself and treat him like a house husband, starting at age 10.  This resulted in Mitchell making some pretty horrible mistakes as an adult.  Haven’t really forgiven her for this.
2.  She gave us $300 to buy a crib for our new baby this past year.  We neglected to buy one because we wanted to wait until we received our discount to purchase from our registry.  My parents, unbeknownst to us, bought us the crib we had in our registry and gave it to us in front of everyone.  Mitchell’s Mom was upset.  Our response:  “Why didn’t you just buy us the crib on our registry?  Problem solved.”  She thought that the crib was a “meaningful” gift that was “taken away” from her.  MY response:  “Uh… we need a car seat.  More than a damn crib.”  Mitchell’s sister was the one who brought up that his Mom was upset about the crib thing.  I could give two shits about it.  But it frustrated me greatly.  Here I am, very pregnant and dealing with her drama while at my own baby shower.  My parents had no idea or they wouldn’t have bought us the crib.
3. We went to Disneyland in February of this year (before RONA had hit), and we stayed in a small hotel room together.  She had a horrible cough and was really sick the whole time, which me being pregnant, was super not a fan of her visiting in that condition, but whatever.  I dealt with it.  Anyway, she had a coughing fit in the middle of the night (this is horrible of me, please don’t judge, but I often wondered if she used the coughing fits to get attention.  She does things like that).  Mitchell asked if she needed water–yes, just that–and she proceeded to have a meltdown.  “I can sleep outside.  I’m going to sleep outside.”  I immediately get irritated.  “NO ONE IS ASKING YOU TO SLEEP OUTSIDE.  WE JUST WANT TO KNOW IF YOU NEED WATER.”  She then proceeds to stay up the entire night, sitting up–again, to make a statement and this time, yes, to get attention.  I was exhausted the next day dealing with her antics.  AGAIN–pregnant and already hormonal, dealing with my mother in law.  This same Disney trip, she was frustrated with me when I wanted to sit by my husband at dinner and she didn’t get to sit by him.  Even Mitchell’s sister, who is very protective of their Mom, eye-rolled at this one.  Lol.  I politely switched seats with Mitchell’s best friend to allow Mitchell’s Mom to sit next to him.  Because we are in kindergarten I guess.

There are so many more stories, but these are just the ones that have happened in the past year.  I try so hard, or maybe I don’t try enough.  Going back and forth on this one. My best friend said I should try to find some common ground with her.  It’s not a bad idea, but I try to rack my brain for what her and I have in common.  It’s not much!  Anyway.  I will always be the bigger person but definitely need help in this department.  With Tarin (our baby boy) now in our lives, I am nervous for how she will act around him.

Thanks for listening 🙂 Hope you are all staying safe and healthy.

Much love,

~Elle