Just…frustrated. Need to vent.

Sometimes, I hate that I try to be superwoman with EVERYTHING.  And really there’s only one person to be annoyed with this in that, and that’s me.

Today, my son (Tarin) who is 20 months old is sick.  He was up all night coughing, and had a fever.  Normally, he goes to daycare – and because this week is the week between Xmas & NY, my office is working remotely.  HOWEVER… my husband is in event operations, and what a shock – today of all days, has a huge 50,000 something person event to produce.

Did I mention I’m also 6 months pregnant?

Did I also mention my son was up for half the night, coughing, while I stayed up with him watching Cocomelon?

Anyway – I was frustrated today because I had two people who report to me who were struggling to get things done at the end of the day – but because we literally have NO MANAGERS this week, I had to chase their bullshi*.  It just frustrated me.  One of them “logged off” because she was not feeling well, which is fine, but she left a major deal unfinished.  I finally just sent a teamwide message – I AM LOGGING OFF.  MY SON IS SICK.

I just am getting to my wits end with doing shi* like this alone.  Our family is halfway across the country, and I honestly have zero clue how I am supposed to do this with another child come March.

I’ll be honest too – my husband plays this game too – “I need to be at home with you and baby boy.” But doesn’t fucking commit.  Then just makes me say “yes please, I need you to stay home.” But of course I don’t.  I fucking DON’T because I try to be superwoman, the good wife who handles EVERYTHING.

Did I mention our recruiting team also took this entire week off, leaving just me in charge of phone screens?

For fuck sake.  I sometimes think I will die before 40 due to others lack of self awareness.

Sorry for the swearing and venting.  Pregnancy hormones are literally in full swing right now.  I just don’t know how people can operate this way, without organization.  I’m always the one picking up others’ slack. Always.  I was when I was getting my masters, I am in my job now – and for what?

I just need to find a way to create better boundaries for myself and push back.  To both my husband, my work, everyone.

Anyway, sorry if this comes across any particular way.  I’m just exhausted.

Much love,

~Elle.