D-Day

Wrote an entry about a month or so, maybe longer ago about my husband being unfaithful to me.  And me being completely and utterly SHOCKED.  I thought I’d write a little bit more about it.  Not sure why.  Maybe to help me cope.

I found out on October 21st, 2018.  I had done a half marathon that day; as a matter of fact, I PR’d.  Mitchell and I were to be moving to desert state, LITERALLY that week, so we invited his mom, sister and sister’s boyfriend over for dinner.  After dinner, we were messing around, doing laundry, I was playing on my phone on the bed when I get a random Facebook message.  Probably a bot or something.

It’s a girl who tells me that she hates to be the one to break to me but my husband has been leading on her friend for multiple years.  Countless meetups.  Even a visit to our house.

Yep!  My sweet, sweet Mitchell.  Who made me a custom Monopoly game.  Built me coffee tables when I couldn’t find ones I liked.  Sat up with me while I cried over a job I hated.   Bought me flowers constantly just because.  Filled a suitcase with my favorite candy.  Surprised me after a shift one day with an entire Christmas tree setup and dinner made when I couldn’t go home.

I went nuts you guys.  I shut down.  Completely. Of course I found out who the bitch was – yep, a girl I know AND WORKED WITH, shocking – and I immediately sent her a message.  I regret it now; as I was in such shock, I wish I would have waited.  She wrote back this long, drawn out bullshit excuse Facebook message basically saying she justified her actions because Mitchell gave her so much attention, thus thinking we weren’t happy or planning to stay together.  It of course was filled with lies.  If you haven’t guessed it yet, mistresses are lost, broken, lying individuals who live in a fantasy world.  Despite my husband treating her like interactive porn, she held onto this notion that he was going to be with her.  The crazy part about all this?  My husband never ONCE fingered her, pleasured her, nothing.  It was her giving him blow jobs.  Sorry to get gross.  Just saying.  They didn’t go on one date.  Never EVER met up outside of work (the hotel incident was a work thing).  Mitchell would go weeks, months without speaking to her.  And once summer and busy season came, he would get stressed and lose his shit again.  Deplorable, on both counts.  But what a stupid whore.

She succumbed to this behavior from him for THREE YEARS.  Long and the short of it… they worked together.  Oh, it gets better – she was his EMPLOYEE.  Like he was her direct boss.  They hooked up (meaning makeouts) like 10 times in 2016, 10 times in 2017, never had sex, mostly flirted on Snapchat.  Regardless… THREE FUCKING YEARS?!  It started in 2015.  Mitchell and I got married in 2015.  You’ve GOT to be fucking kidding me.   So anyway.  The thing about her, is she obviously let my husband treat her like a slut.  He would ask her for naked pics and stuff.  And he would send dick pics.  I am sorry – but what self respecting woman is like oh yeah, this guy must like me, let me get up at 2 am and put makeup on so I can send him suggestive photos?  Or the time they hooked up in the hotel room – the same hotel we had our wedding night, YEP! – and she gave him a blow job and he kicked her the fuck out.

Note on that hotel room story – that was the last time he ever did anything with her.  That was August 2017.  He was like, what the fuck am I doing to my wife?  And he ended things with her that day.  

So anyway… he would keep trying to end it and of course she would just be there, and him being weak as fuck and riddled with sex addiction would give right back in to her advances.  While I was at home, with our sweet rescue pup.  Doing his laundry.   But after he ended it – she KEPT COMING AFTER HIM.  Like the fucking SLUT she is.  Love letters, desperate texts, snapchats, emails.  He finally told her, “ELLE IS MY EVERYTHING.  STOP TALKING TO ME”.  And then, to put the nail on the coffin, in September he was like guess what?  I’m moving across the country.  And she decides that she’s going to have her friend orchestrate this whole thing of telling me.

So long story short, Friday, October 19th was Michael’s last day at his job.  She calls him, and is like “Yeah”, in her ridiculous valley girl voice, “So like, my friend is like, going to tell your wife and stuff…” and Michael goes, “Listen bitch, you better fucking let me do this.  DO NOT tell her.” And she calls back and is like, “Yeah so like, yeah, she’s gonna tell her.”

The weekend goes by, obviously not a peep from Michael.  Then on Sunday, I get 3 missed calls from a random number.  Thought it was spam.  Didn’t answer . NOPE.  It was the friend!  Trying to call to tell me.  Then of course came the stupid Facebook message.

So throw in my husband cheating on me for multiple years in our short marriage, and on top of that, he was warned, and couldn’t fucking tell me.

Four months has gone by and I have good days.  And horrible days.  The last few weeks, have been horrible.  I also have a full-time job and just started my Masters program too, on top of finding all this out in the midst of a CROSS COUNTRY MOVE.

I know what you all are thinking.  LEAVE HIM!  WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE!  ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER!  Trust me, I was there.  It’s not that simple.

Him and I are in intense therapy right now.  We’re basically roommates, some days being better than others.  I haven’t seen my wedding ring since that day it happened.  I have a divorce lawyer on hand.  But I also have full access to his phone and calendar.  Location services on 24/7.  Hourly check-ins.  No business trips without me.  And vice versa.  I have access to all electronics at his beckon call.  His phone is setup with parental control and filters.  I’m monitoring all spending activities.

But I’m going to get real with you guys for a second.  This whole scenario… well, it really opened our eyes.  To a lot of things.  Please, PLEASE, share love, and hope, but no opinions.  I know the severity of his actions.  I know what I’m dealing with. And I’ve surprisingly handled it with more grace than I thought possible.  Until you go through something like this, something so traumatic, you don’t know what it’s like.  At all.

But I will say – this is, by far, the WORST thing I have ever gone through in my entire life.  Worse than family deaths I have experienced.  I’m serious.  It’s gut wrenching.  Painful.  Cry yourself to sleep every night.  Wonder what’s wrong with you.  Going from angry, to happy, to sad, to violent, all within an hour.  Wanting to step outside of your morals and DESTROY the other woman.

If you’re reading this, and you’re cheating, and/or are a mistress – STOP.  You are ruining the life of another human being.  My life is in shambles.  And it’s so incredibly sad because it’s the work of the man I loved most in this world.  The one who was supposed to protect me.  And also, get fucking therapy.

Anyway… thanks for reading.  I needed to get this out.

Much love,

~Elle