Break Ups.

SUCK.  SO.  FREAKING.  BAD.

Deric broke up with me.  Finally…after two weeks of sheer torture!  He had been different…I knew a breakup was coming. 

I don’t want to write out the reasons why this break up sucks, in paragraph form.  I want to list them out…because I keep playing them over and over in my head.

1)  Deric and I planned a vacation in Hawaii in December of next year.  For his college graduation, his parents gave him a trip anywhere in the world that he wants to go, all expenses paid.  So obviously I’m no longer invited.

2)  We had also planned to visit Lake C this weekend.  He has to work anyway, and he broke up with me anyway, so obviously the trip isn’t going to happen, but I was REALLY looking forward to it as Lake C is my favorite place to go.  Would have been fun to go with him.

3)  I really liked him.  He was a great guy, and good boyfriend.  Hard worker.  Makes me want to be a better person because he’s a good person.  He loved me no matter what (ha, kind of a hypocritical statement to make right now :/ ) and was faithful and loyal.  Like I know he would never cheat on me.

4)  Went to his graduation this last weekend.  Spent pretty much all my money, on a Cabela’s gift card, a cake, beer for people on Friday night, gas to get there as it’s a 5 hour drive from Big City across the damn state, hung out with his parents all weekend (and they think I’m amazing).  Couldn’t break up with me BEFORE I did all that?!  WTF. 

5)  I’m over here in Big City.  BY MYSELF with nothing to do except sit and dwell on this shit.

6)  He’s good looking. 

7)  He was very supportive throughout my trials and struggles as an unemployed, depressed girl.  Which leads to the next one…

8)…Met him at the wrong time.  Which brings up, WHAT IFS?!  What if I had met him/started dating him when I had my life together, before all the mistakes, and lies?

9)  He claims that his feelings started fading once he realized we were going in different directions.  As in, I’m in Big City and he’s still in his college town, where he got a job.

10)  He straight up said, doesn’t have feelings for me anymore. O.U.C.H.  Last weekend, told me not to worry because "he loved me".  I hate boys.

11)  He told me over the course of the last 5 months how much he loves me, how I bring out the best in him, how amazing I am, how he wants to be with me forever, we started looking at houses…

12)  I am going to GREATLY miss his friends.  I loved all of them, quite dearly, and they all loved me.  It was a great chemistry thing.  Also got to know his family quite well, especially after spending so much time with them this weekend.  They are all lovely people too, and I got along so great with his brother.

13)  I will not be able to EVER listen to country music again, especially Keith Urban and Lady Antebellum.  He’s a country boy…and I started listening to it when I dated him.

14)  Every time I see a white Ford Ranger, my heart will skip a beat. :/

15)  We had so much fun together.  We really had a great chemistry for awhile.  We were able to joke and be silly around each other.  I loved it.  Plus, we didn’t fight–after being in a relationship where I was used to nothing but fighting, it was SO nice.

16)  Thinking about him with other girls!  AH SHIT!  In fact, I think he may have a crush on someone else which led to this.  Oh well.

17)  The sex was pretty damn good.  Ugh. 

18)  Because I had somewhat thought he was "The One", put my whole heart into him.  Now, I’m 24, kinda ready to settle down.  And back to being single!  FML!  I hate being single.  I decided I like relationships so much more.

19)  No more hey babe texts,  Skype date, phone calls… being called baby cakes.  🙁  That’s tough.

And reason number 20? (DRUMROLL).

20)  BREAKUPS.  FUCKING.  SUCK.

My self esteem is a little low right now…but guess what?!  My motivation is high.  I’m going to get my life back on track.  DETERMINATION!!!!

Part of me wants to just show him.  I’m going to IMMERSE myself into working out.  Start volunteering.  Maybe try and pick up another job.  Go back to school and get my teaching degree, no matter WHAT anyone says!

I’

ve got goals.  And I’m going to accomplish them. 

Much love everyone… I HATE BEING BROKEN HEARTED!

-Elle.