Rollercoaster.Summer.2006
Alright so ive been very very busy, so I havnt had time to update or im just to gawd damn tired or hot. its been 43 C here….yesterday downtown in the direct sunlight it was 46 C. 46! thats just too gawd damn hot for me right now….
anyways.
my wedding job is in like 5 days..
5 FUCKING DAYS.
whos freaking out? yep..*raises hand* ME.
Me and Richard arnt really talking, i told him id give him his space…which I think, if you ask me…is really nice of me, since he opened a door…and slammed it in my face when he told me he loved me, kissed me, and promised me forever..then 24 hours later…asked me to forget about it. BUT. you know..becasue I love him, I will do whatever it takes to make him happy.
although, I have done some thinking and I do have to tell Richard…whenever I finally do talk to him next..that I simply cannot . CANNOT. wait for him.
and the reason is that all id be doing it waiting for the moment when I fall too deep and too hard and ask him to choose between the drugs and me, and he’ll choose the drugs…and knowing that, i cant be with someone who I know loves the drugs more then he’ll ever love me.
and. Uhm.
RIGHT. Tami hates me…apprently im selfish and always treat her like crap…( this is because i didnt call her for a few days and just hanged out wit Kiley…) its a long story..but one that doesnt make any sense…its bothering me that she hates me, but really, i stil dont see what i did wrong and i find it hard to see how im a horrible person when im the ONLY FUCKING ONE. who stood by her when she was a drunk and a slut. but you know…whatever. i dont have time for her immature bullshit.
and…Kileys leaving me for a whole month. A WHOLE MONTH. shes going to Kelowna for work, they need help in the Walmart there. imma die. haha…i see her pretty much everyday. im trying not to think about it. haha.
And.
come hell or high water. I wil….I repeat, I will being to Vancouver at the end of August. not to see Richard, but to see Natasha and Andrew. I havnt seen Tash in like a year and a half. and its been 3 years since I seen Andrew. I will probably see Richard, but Im not goin to tell him im going untill a few days before…cuz thats just how it works right now.
My anxiety n stuff has gotten horrible, I had to go get new medication from the doctor..ones Im supposed to take twice a days…yeah..i def. havnt gotten the pres. filled yet, i just havnt had time or money. I have a horrible toothache that makes me also have a ear ache. its killing me…i was taking Ibprophen like it was candy, it worried me, alot becasue of my past with pills, i didnt wanna take too many.
Work is stressin me out, Stan did a "hospitality" interview thingy with me, sayin i need to smile more n be nice to costomers…I NEVER WORK WITH STAN. so how can he know how nice i am to people? Gr. *pouts*
I have pictures to upload into here..to show everyone, but im tooo lazy to do it anytime soon. i will probably do a big big picture entry next week…or in two weeks lol.
i work every for 8 days…with mcdys and the wedding. ha. imma die.yep. i am.
*continues freaking out*