letters
I’ve recently started corresponding, via email, with someone I met on a similar site.
I’m not sure what to make of it if anything.
Like myself, he is autistic and deals with chronic pain. Like myself, he is an ex-church kid, figuring out life post-deconstruction. Our correspondence started as a request to further discuss the deconstruction stuff – he is a writer and has written several articles on the topic. Now we are emailing almost daily about everything. Poetry, pain, music, etc.
It’s completely platonic – I’m happily married, he has a girlfriend, and my husband is fully aware I’m emailing him. But I almost feel guilty that I get excited when I receive his emails.
That church upbringing – I’m still fighting against it in some ways. In this case, it’s the idea that a close platonic friendship between a man and a woman is inherently dangerous. As if the only place that can lead is attraction. Cognitively I know this is false. But that damn programming is still jammed in my head sometimes.
Can you imagine if that was true? If there was no potential for friendship between two people because of an infinitesimal chance they might become attracted to one another? How would queer people function?
And I’ve forgotten how much I love emailing. All of our communication is so immediate these days. I like taking my time to write something out, to get my thoughts in order, to not feel rushed.
So, that’s the jist of it. It could be a terrible idea, sure, but it could also result in a good friendship. Or we could grow tired of emailing one another in a week.
Who knows.
For now, I will try to stop overthinking everything.
I’ve thought a lot about this subject over the decades. Why can’t a man and woman be JUST friends. It’s not a possibility for so many. I have a lot of male friends, I don’t go out with them just the two of us, probably because their wives wouldn’t approve, but often as a group. I went to a hockey game with Tim, he’s a widower, but JJ knew about it, he was fine. I get that it could be a slippery slope, but you have a happy marriage, he has a happy relationship – why does it matter you’re the opposite sex?
@strawberryjelly
The point is that it really doesn’t, and shouldn’t matter. But I have residual religious guilt.
@the-idiot get that
Warning Comment
Those dynamics of not feeling rushed to speak, especially over email, is one of my favorite ways to communicate. It reminds of a modern day version of Rilke’s letters to Marina Tsvetaeva in much of the correspondence I’ve personally had. But I think it’s normal to question the platonic nature of companionship vs what happens when attraction begins to section out its fronds. It could be a part of our nature? Something that exists in all of us based on how human history seems to have graduated romance and how we’ve developed community over millennia; not necessarily being open for something different, but certainly being open to what others have to offer and finding ways to integrate. You really can never find enough ways to be happy nowadays. I’m out looking for my sources, too.
The overthinking, though… that’s too real.
@scullyfiend yes to finding happiness where you can get it. this is making me happy so I am trying not to question it too much.
I’d be happy if I could conduct all communication via email or letter. It’s how my brain works best. Just like I prefer these online diary websites over social media.
@the-idiot Agreed. Social media has never been my thing. I wish I would’ve found these years ago.
Warning Comment
Good luck with that. If you are anything like me, the overthinking is inherent in your behavior. I know what you mean. It’s not just the church, it’s society. Society seed male + female and immediately sees bad things. Of course, our society was based on many religious beliefs and traditions. That doesn’t help.
Best of luck with your correspondence.
@laynemeyer2
Thanks! And yes, I do have a tendency to over think.
@the-idiot I’m pulling for your happiness.
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