Evolution

The drawing/illustration is progressing. Working outside of my comfort zone and posting stuff I’m not 100% happy with has been good for me, even if I’m posting on a throwaway account rather than my main one. Baby steps.

This apprehension about putting my work out into world feels so far removed from who I was after graduation or the girl who once had a successful business designing and making handbags. By the way, that’s a thing I did – mostly custom clutches for bridal parties, a couple of bags for red carpet events, and once for a Broadway opening. Ultimately, I decided to quit because I spent too much time making the same things over and over, never had enough time to design new things, and it ceased to be creatively fulfilling for me. I sort of hate sewing now, but I recently purchased a new machine for small projects around the house.

Prior to that, I worked as a ‘visual manager’ at a couple of large department store chains, creating displays and styling mannequins. It wasn’t the best use of my skills, and the hours were sometimes terrible, but it was fun and I got to travel quite a bit. The first company was based out of Charlotte and they would fly me all over the southeast to prep stores for grand openings. That was during the year I took off of school because I kept having fucking panic attacks every time I went to class. After returning to school, I switched to a company based out of DFW. They accommodated my school schedule, so my trips were shorter and closer. I kept working there until Claire was around 2 years old, when we briefly moved out of state.

I’ve been at my current job for almost ten years, but I don’t see myself staying there much longer. I feel myself growing increasingly restless, don’t find the position challenging, and no longer feel myself fully aligned with everything the non-profit supports. I hope to be self-employed again by this time next year, or well on my way to it.

It would be great if I could take a couple of classes to brush up on my design skills. Because I concentrated in Experimental Studies for my BFA, I took very few design courses. (I was also two credits shy of a second degree in English, but the program at my university was shit, and I coudln’t muster the enthusiam to finish.) For my BFA, I mostly worked in sculpture/ceramic sculpture, with some installation work, but I also took every drawing course available to me. And during my senior year, I fell in love with silk screening. I’ve always been a sucker for anything process heavy. There is something about repetition and ritual that resonates with me. Originally, I planned to get my MFA with a studio art emphasis and continue working in silkscreening, but life happened and I had to withdraw. There also is an alternate timeline where I have a degree in library/information science, which is something I strongly considered.

Full disclosure, the edibles I took today for pain relief hit harder than anticipated, and I’m still coming out of that fog. I feel like this post is disjointed and rambling, so this might be a post that disappears sometime down the line.

Anyhow, the drawing. Doing it daily, not just portraits but also illustration prompts, and it’s been good. Getting back into the groove, figuring out where I’d like to go stylistically. Not as rusty as I thought, just need to break free of my self imposed confines.