Next in line

SATURDAY AUGUST 8, 2020

For all I know he can already be married. Why did his life matter to me so much, the annoyance of just wanting to know how he is doing and who he is doing next is always coming into my mind. Is it that I have gone crazy already? Considering my last mental meltdown that is a high risk. My mental health is first and even though it should be my priority to kick out any negativity out of my life I can. Why can’t I get the satisfaction of having my boyfriend? Why does Francisco matter to me so much that I can’t focus on my own life without him. I hold myself back from messaging him and watching his stories but my god when I see him have a story I wanna watch it immediately. My thoughts are running on high speed, and the talking of my mother can’t get any louder. I can’t seem to process anything, especially when someone is yelling into the phone knowing there’s another room available for them to be in. We are good now, I got my headphone and full volume on my favorite song. Let me introduce myself before continuing on this journey of self healing from a past toxic hook up. I am a 22 year old girl from the loving state of California. I am currently in college, my major is Early Childhood Education. My goal in life is to become an elementary school teacher and part time psychologist for children. I currently work at a school as a classroom aid, basically I am the teacher as well LOL. I also work part time as a Behavior Interventionist and its such a fun job! Working with kids has always been a source of happiness for me. I have one dog and she is absolutely adorable! I got her in February of this year, due to my dog passing away in December while we were on vacation. It was a hard process but I am slowly recovering. I recently just changed my hair to this cute caramel blonde color, I have a habit of changing my hair so don’t be shocked if I come back in 2 months telling you I changed it to pink or purple LOL I might just do it actually. I am in a very happy healthy relationship, His name is… Actually I won’t put his name out there just in case he ever finds this I am sure he would KILL me, and well we don’t want that LOL. I just checked snapchat to see if he has seen my snap. What do y’all think? Should I let this man go? Should I try to tell him how I feel so I can have closure? I don’t know what I want from him but I feel like I need this dude in my life. I don’t know if its for loving, or friendship or what but I need him in my life. I don’t wanna say its a cry for help but I need advice other than my own. Who do I confide in for advice about this? No one of course, I can’t have my friends or his sister or even my own mother thinking I am some kind of hoe. I guess for the mean time I will listen to my favorite song. Let me put you all on a good song, next time you feel down look up “Don’t give up on me” by Andy Grammer. Its a game changer when you feel like there’s no one there for you. Anyways, I will vent more tomorrow and maybe give you the DEETS on my IOP journey and this new adventure I am doing LOL. Until then.

XOXO,

This quiet girl♥