My own hero

This feeling in my chest is something I have never experienced in my life. This feeling of loneliness, my heart was crying. My heart was raveled with these feelings of not being good enough, or pretty enough. I was experiencing my first heart break. I loved him with my whole heart, he was the one I would cry to and open up to about all my family problems. He would reassure me that my life was worth it, my thoughts took over the best part of me. My thoughts made me a monster. Francisco was a big part of my life and growth. I had learned how to love myself and how to be confident in my own skin.

I have heard that writing a letter to the ones who have broken you was a way to heal the pain. So here I go.

Dear Francisco,

You have taught me the value of what it means to love myself before loving anyone else. 

You have taught me that not every guy is bad.

You have taught me that heart break is real.

I can’t say I wish you the best, because I was the best you ever had.

But I can wish you pain. 

Pain that I have felt for the past 2 years, the endless crying in the showers, the endless crying in the car while I am driving, the endless crying myself  to sleep. I wish you that type of pain. I also wish someone would break your heart into a billion of pieces, the way you broke mine. I wish someone breaks all their promises with you and leaves you stranded. I wish you tears, to be streaming down your face when you see that I am so much happier without you. I know it might be strange but I loved you so much that at this point I wouldn’t care if you came back crying to me asking for another chance, I would slam that door right in your face and walk away knowing that I am not relying on you to be my hero.

I am my own hero. I got myself.

XOXO,

Someone who doesn’t need you.