Life as we know it.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 7,  2020 :

Life is a petty game. We live to survive in this cruel world. No one understands each other and that’s what makes us fall apart, we keep it to ourselves or confide in a friend or even our partners, me on the other hand, I confided in my ex lover. Someone I didn’t expect to come in contact with since I got into a relationship. I was over him… Well let’s define ” OVER ” How would you define being over someone, for me being over someone means not talking to them and not thinking about them as much. Since adding him I feel like the feelings never went away, which means I am in big trouble. How can I do this to myself. The only way to get out of this problematic situation is blocking him all over again. Part of me has wondered what he has been up too, since I have added him I finally knew what he has been doing. He is in the Marines, and of course I find this to be hard on me. Francisco has always been someone I would use as a “Rebound.” Now that he is stationed on the other side of the world I feel lost. I feel like there is so much I was not able to tell him, and I know there is a chance that there is a lot he has not been able to tell me. Could it be that I was a change in his life. When I say a change, I mean maybe I was the one who provoked him to join? Or am I just going crazy to the idea of him being gone. In the past, I would tell him I was lonely and he would come over and let me cry to him, or even just lay on his chest and fall asleep. And of course, I would let him do the same. Although he wouldn’t cry to me, he would sleep on me but never cry. There was one specific moment when I noticed a hickey on his neck and when I tell you I cried and yelled at him to leave and never come back. That night was the last night I seen him. Can it be that he wants to change? But going to the marines doesn’t change anyone in a good way, being in the marines (from what I experienced with old friends) makes you more into a horny sex addict. If there was one thing I regret was giving up on him. I could have kept pushing and telling him that I knew he was the one that was supposed to be in my life, and not just for hooking up. The thing we had was something I never had with anyone else. Don’t get me wrong I love my boyfriend, but I know we all have that one love who got away. And sadly mine was Francisco. The time has come for me to actually just surrender my feelings and have closure with him, and move on with my life without thinking about what he is doing or who he is doing.

XOXO,

That quiet girl❤