You can never have enough goop……
" Just do what I tell you and fucking trust me! " I yell in the phone. " This is going to work. Trust me. " You can’t let the callers think about what your telling them to do for too long. Everyonce in a while you luck out and get a "desparate to try anything " phone call asking for you help. These people will try any sugestion without even second guessing it. Other times, like this one, the callers are a little leary of your advice and you sort of need to take a decietful aproach and assure them that your advice is good. Your really have no fucking clue if what your telling the other person will work or not , but hey ! Thats what makes being me fun.
I’m the fix it guy in my group of friends. I seem to have a knack for coming up or knowing about the stupidest way to fix almost any household problem. I am not a professional and my friends know that I am not a certified general contractor. They also know that my ideas are just that , ideas, they could work fantasticly. Like my " Beer can wheel stops" for beds on castors. That idea was a wonderful invention. Othertimes things don’t work out so good. Back to the call.
" Open the fucking cabnets and look for vaseline or petroleum jelly." " No dumbass! You can’t use shampoo. Think of all the fucking bubbles it would make…she won’t be able to shit right for a week if you do that, She’d have bubbles all over her ass.. Nope hand cream breaks down too easily, You need something with staying power..**pause while the caller looks for stuff** ….* can hear a bit of giggling*…" She has some? Good. Now you already have the back of her all wide open? Ok. Take a good handfull of the vasaline and pack it all arround the sides and top of the hole, I’d say pack it on at least a half inch thick if you have enough goop." " You can never have enough goop…Thats right." " now take that stopper and just put it into the hole a little bit. it’s going to get lube all over it and thats what we want…it’s going to make a nice tight seal." " Now all you have to do is turn the water back on and put the top back on the tank and Voila You no longer have a running toilet keeping you up all night long. " " No problem, I’ll be over to fix your Moms toilet tomorrow morning. Bye."
My friend was house sitting for her mom and the crapper was keeping her awake all night ….She needed a quick fix…I gave her my idea and she got a good nights sleep …and a hand with enough lube on it to jerk off the Detroit Pistons.
Later fockers