1/20/07

From time to time  in my life certain women will call me. They will call me and bitch at me. Usually about something completely fucked up that doesn’t in any way shape or form have anything to do with me. It always ends up about me somehow in the end. By the end of this mornings phone call everything from high taxes to the war in the middle east was somehow going to be blamed on me ….I’m certain of it …Too bad I didn’t hear the end of it .

8am. cell phone rings. It’s sitting on the counter in the bathroom…right next to my bedroom…it’s fucking impossible to ignore. I pick up.

Me : umm….yeah?

Her : Well thats not a very nice way to answer the phone. Did I wake you up ? Why the hell are you still asleep? Wake up you lazy bastard, no wonder your still single. your too lazy to look for a woman.

I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror. Quite the looker let me tell you. messy hair, pillow marks on my face. I need s have. Chest hair will need a trim soon.  my comfy pants hanging low. I move to the fornt of the toilet , drop my pants and start to take a piss. I cut her off and ask " who is this? "  **PIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS**

Her : It’s me! Who the hell do you think this is ? ….pause ** I know she is listening to the sound of me pissing. ** " Are you in your bathroom? Are you going to the bath room while your on the phone with me ?.

Thats the last thing i heard her say. I dropped the phone in the toliet…finished pissing on it, flushed and went back to bed. Laid down in bed and grabbed the note pad next to my bed and wrote the next sentence.

" Hey Dumbass un-clog the toilet…it’s your cell phone. Go buy a new cell phone. Hit Heavy bag today . "

Definatly getting a new phone number. I get to go torment the poor kids at the cell phone place….I’m the worst customer on the planet for a cell phone sales person…I’m a bastard…just like my last caller was trying to point out.

lol….fuckers