1817 Lady Pains

Saucy Scale: 5

I’ve had an odd new pain.   A "lady-pain" if you will.  It’s been 4 days with a cramping or stabbing pain in what seems to be my left ovary.  That, in addition to a crazy *THING* that exited my body (I’ll save you the TMI) on more than one occasion since the pain began.

Yesterday I was talked in to coming to the OB/GYN’s office for a chat with one of my favorite Nurse Practitioners.  She did an internal exam, took a vial of blood for further exam, an ordered an ultrasound.

The Rational Me knows that this could be as simple as hormones.  The Headcase Me knows my grandma & mommy both had ovarian cancer.

So, I’m trying really hard to not fret.  To not dwell on the scary thoughts that sneak into my brain.

I had a good chat with Boogie this morning.  About my aching ovary.  About trying not to be a headcase.

No good segue…

My cellphone died a gruesome death recently.  I dug out an older model phone from a drawer & had the AT&T store clerk merge the content of the SIM cards together in an attempt to salvage my phonebook. 

Helpful, because I haven’t lost my entire contact list.

Not so helpful, because it also transfered old outdated info which needs to be culled & deleted.

So, here’s the segue back to my icky ovary story…

I’m flipping thru my phone list trying to find the number for my sitter (so that I can make the ultrasound appointment).  I’m scrolling thru the names & numbers…

and it just pops up on my screen:

the listing called "mommy" along with her picture.

So, I’m walking the track, thinking about my misbehaving ovaries, and my mommy…and I’m crying.  Walking around the track.  Trying not to be a headcase about my impending death, thinking about my mommy who had ovarian cancer.  Walking, pushing the stroller around the track.  Crying.  Wondering what kind of a cancer patient I would be?  Crying.  And I figured out that should it come to that…I would be the kind of cancer patient my mommy was…that I would fight like hell.  For my young children, I would fight like hell.

The Rational Me knows that I’m fine.  Really.

I had a nice conversation with a friend of mine.  She told me about her own PCOS diagnosis, symptoms, & what it means for her.  In that respect, she unknowingly talked me down off the ledge.

I’m fine.  I really am.  I know I will be fine.

And if I’m not, I know I’ll fight like hell.

Mother’s day is approaching.  I miss my mommy terribly today.

damn ovary.