1815 The glimpse you don’t normally get from me

Saucy Scale: bleh.

Today started full of so much promise.  The weather report was supposed to be nice, warm, & sunny.  (Nuh uh.)

We had very little planned for our morning.  It was our intention to spend the day together as a family.  Just enjoying eachother.  (Nuh uh.)

The Big Boys just pick, pick, picked at eachother (and my nerves) instead.

They remembered that I’d mentioned going to the library earlier in the week.  They wanted to head to the library before lunch.  We decided to head the branch on the southside of town (for our parental convenience).  As soon as he realized that we weren’t at the "right" library, Mattson starts pitching a fit.

We grabbed a quickie picnic & headed to a local playground.  The children IMMEDIATELY started complaining about WHICH park we were going to visit.

After slamming down lunch, the Big Boys went to the playground equipment.  The Minis were SCREAMING with hunger & frustration.  I just couldn’t keep up with them…my spoon just flew between the yogurt and Sister’s mouth and the yogurt and Brother’s mouth (repeat, repeat, repeat…FASTER, BITCH!  between SCREAMS).  Repeat with applesauce.  Repeat with a second container of yogurt.  When one of The Minis knocked the yogurt cup out of my hand and all over my jogging stroller, I decided we were done.  If they were still hungry, they could eat at home.

On my way back to the van, I tossed the remainder of my drink at the garbage can…intentionally missing the hole and intentionally making a HUGE diet coke splash.  Pushing the stroller faster and further away from the remainder of my family…intentionally. Mattson decides he wants to walk with me.  Without skipping a beat or even glancing at my child, I threw my hand up and yelled "walk with your daddy!".  As I approached the busy parking lot, I turned back to make sure he was obeying me…and heading back to daddy.  Which is when my husband snaps at me to keep walking.  And I replied with my middle finger.

WHAT?  When did I become an angsty teenager full of bitterness?

We drove straight home.  TBU whisked the babies to bed for naptime.  The Big Boys were plopped in front of the t.v. for their daily dose of "Little Bill" before their own naps.

My husband could barely look at me.  He just insisted that I leave the house. I was thinking I would go upstairs and take my own nap, but he was determined to make me leave. 

I got in the van & I had no idea what to do with myself.  LITERALLY. 

We’d just eaten, so I didn’t want to eat.

I just wasn’t feeling like a cup of coffee.

I pondered going to a bar and just throwing back drinks.

I pondered going to a hotel, checking in, and taking a nap.

What I REALLY felt like doing, was parking the van and just have a good old-fashioned gut-wrenching cry.

So, I went to Barnes & Noble.

I gathered books and magazines.  I sat at a table and skimmed/read a mish-mash of topics:

• home organization
• local sustainability
• amish cooking
• the politics of organic food
• Prevention magazine, Consumer Reports Shop Smart magazine, & some home organization magazine
• and I topped it off with A.A. Milne’s Winnie-the-Pooh

After giving everything a sufficient skim, I paid for my goodies.  Walked 2 store down the mall and popped into a cheapo-pedicure joint to have my ridiculous hooves scraped and sloughed.

On the way home, I listened to NPR & I was lucky enough to catch an interview with a band I’d never heard of before.  The music sounded like I was in the middle of a 1970s funk dance party and I’m hooked!    I spent the remainder of the drive periodically repeating the name of the band, in an attempt to not forget it.  (Go to YouTube & look up a band called "Kings Go Forth")

Then I heard one of my favorite songs.  One that makes me appreciate my husband intensely.  And when I got home, I was feeling much more loving toward him and managed to take some delight in my children (even the cranky ones).

Once we put the children to bed, it was 8:30.  I kid you not, TBU decided he wanted the day to be over…and crawled into bed.

And here I am venting, gnawing on beef jerky, watching Dirty Dancing.  (Boy, he looked GOOD in that movie!)

Tomorrow will be my do-over.

<span style="font-family: Garamond”>5 Things That Make Me Happy:

1. "And most of all I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life way I feel when I’m with you!"
2. "Once upon a time, a very long time ago now, about last Friday, Winnie-the-Pooh lived in a forest all by himself under the name of Sanders."
3. "…Now I’m just rolling home, into your loving arms.  This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road and lead me straight to you."
4. "When the years have done irreparable harm, I can see us walking arm in arm just like the couple on the corner do, ’cause girl I will always be in love with you."
5. "Nobody puts Baby in a corner"