1808 Final Destination

Saucy Scale: 8

It was an interesting week.  On Monday morning my minivan tried to run me over.

Seriously.

I returned from errands and parked in the driveway.  I had to exit the van to move a tricycle from the middle of the garage floor.  When I turned around to return to the car, I saw that it was rolling toward me.  Very slowly, but rolling nonetheless.

Apparently my brain thought maybe the van was in N (not D) and in an attempt to create an America’s Funniest Videos moment, I found myself facing the van with my hands on the hood trying to push it to a stop…as I walked backwards yelling, "no! no! no!" and slew of obscenities.

The van literally backed me up & trapped me at the rear of the garage.  I stepped up on the stoop and hope that the cement block would be high enough to stop the car from driving into the kitchen.  The cement did its job, but not alone.  My freezer (which I was standing next to at the time) took the brunt of the hit.  The sacrifical lamb, so to speak.

I pounded on the door to the house (as the van’s engine roared at me) as I was unable to exit the narrow garage.  My babysitter opened the door and I yelled at her to go out the front door, go in through the garage and take the van out of gear.  (Because apparently I still thought my sheer strength & saucy words were needed in the garage to keep the van from jumping the stoop & driving into the house, thus smashing my 2 oldest children.)

I phoned the pediatrician’s office in a panic.  The Minis were in the car at the time of impact.  I knew the van wasn’t moving very quickly (except to the crazed woman hanging off it like a hood ornament), but the impact with the freezer had been a hard stop.  I feared that they might need to go to the ER or something.  They asked me a bunch of questions and told me to keep an eye on the babies for the next few days.  (I did and The Minis were fine.  Thank you, Jesus!)

Once we backed the van up, I saw the damage done to my freezer.  It was a tragic loss.  (I tried to take pictures, but the smooshed in places don’t photograph well.)  I sent 95% of our frozen food home with the sitter to store in her freezer.  I threw away 3% of the stuff that needed to go anyway.  The final 2% was crammed into our regular freezer in the kitchen.

At first when I told people the story, I laughed about how stupid I must’ve looked/sounded.

When TBU got home from work, we stood in the garage & I recounted what happened.  He looked rather grave & told me I was "incredibly lucky" that I’d turned around in time to SEE the van coming towards me.  If I’d been hit in the back, the bumper was at the back of my knees…I would’ve been knocked down & then rolled over.  Then he gave me a worried/grateful hug.  The kind which successfully scared the poop out of me about what could’ve happened to me that morning.

That was the day before my birthday.

(I think it was God’s way of saying that I was supposed to stay young forever.  So next year, when my birthday rolls around, I will not be switching from the 30s to the *gasp* 40s.  I just won’t do it.)

On Tuesday, my darling Clementine gave me a glorious birthday present.  She rolled over.  And over.  And over.  The girl only rolls over to her left side.  Then she gets hopping mad about being on her tummy.  And even madder still when she can’t roll onto her back again.

Rex isn’t far behind her.  Oddly, he only rolls to his right side so far.

Usually they do the "same thing" and the "same side of the body" (they both suck their right thumb, for instance).  This is the first thing they’ve done oppositely.  Interesting.

TBU found us a new freezer.  It ain’t pretty, but it will do the job.  He found it on Craiglist.  (I’m sure it once held a dead body, but he scrubbed it with bleach, so I’m willing to overlook that whole frozen corpse vibe.)  Tomorrow I will reclaim our frozen groceries & stock The Beast.

Incidently, TBU put the smashed freezer out in the yard yesterday afternoon.  It was there when I returned from church this afternoon.  When TBU arrived an hour or so later, the freezer had magically disappeared.  Less than 18 hours out there & it was gone!

They must be selling it for scrap, b/c I can’t believe that anyone would even attempt to repair the freezer vs. minivan damage. 

Unless they wanted to sell it on Craigslist, that is.

Time for bed.