Day Six: Healing Through Divorce

Today was all about self care. I woke up this morning and had coffee via FaceTime with one of my best friends. It’s our Saturday morning routine. She lives an hour away and this is how we can stay connected. Since I haven’t talked to her much in the last week, she got the full story today.

She reminded me that from here on out, I get to decide how my story goes. I get to pick and choose and it’s okay to be in uncomfortable situations because everything I do now will be uncomfortable because I’ve been used to it all being done the one way for the last 6 years.

I’ve been SO CONSUMED with being Corey’s wife that I lost who Annie is. I used to be the girl who loved to get dressed up and go out with friends. I had my hair and makeup done every day because it made ME feel good. I didn’t do it to impress anyone but me. So today, I did my hair and makeup. I put on the cute top. Ended up changing into just a regular t-shirt because I prefer comfort now. And that’s okay too!

Corey text me asking me to tell Isabelle he loves her. She refuses to respond to his messages. She wants nothing to do with him. Reasonable… Sir, this is something YOU did. I will not continue to clean up your messes. Nothing I say to her will make her believe me when your actions are SCREAMING something different.

CLEAN. UP. YOUR. OWN. MESS.

I read my devotionals and a few things hit me really hard.

Being lulled into a false sense of security is worse than going through the process of suffering.
We must sip the suffering of today so we don’t have to drown in the devastations of tomorrow.

I have been in a false sense of security for the last 6 years. He preyed on me. He love bombed me. He sucked me in and made me feel safe and secure and wanted and loved. And then ripped it all away. It was over these 6 years that he slowly flipped the script and how I lost who I was. I became Corey’s wife, dependent on him. To the point where he wouldn’t let me go back to work when I lost my job 3 years ago. He kept me secluded and I quite literally just realized that in this moment…

Each day of the suffering I’m dealing with gets a little easier. I only cried a few times today. Talking to Emma only because I had to go through the whole story AGAIN. Then my cousin asked why I was still wearing my wedding ring and I cried. I’ll get there eventually. It’s on my timeline and nobody else’s.

Overall, today was a good day. Here’s to day 6 of healing.