Day Eleven: Healing Through Divorce

Dear Husband,

You text me at midnight asking if I was awake. I wasn’t, but I responded when I woke up and you still won’t tell me why you were texting me at midnight. The only thing you said was that you were drunk and passed out on the couch. You called off work today – I checked in with my brother to make sure you were okay and not suicidal and he said you didn’t come in. So of course I was worried. It’s not like you to get that drunk period, let alone on a work night, especially with all the bills you’re currently paying. The drinking only happens when you’re mentally unstable and trying to drink your pain away.

You ignored me and our daughter all day. She’s mad at you, but she was also terrified that something had happened to you based on your mental stability in the recent past.

How dare you? To ignore me is one thing, but our DAUGHTER?! She’s dealing with enough as far as you leaving her AGAIN, but to also ignore her when she’s scared is a new low, even for you. You eventually text us both back with a bullshit excuse. Once she knew you weren’t dead, she no longer cared again. I’m still worried about your mental stability though. I’m trying not to be since it’s no longer my job, but old habits die hard I guess…

So, what was the midnight text? A booty call? Can you booty call your own wife…? Was it you missing me for 5 seconds? Were you lonely because you couldn’t talk to your girlfriend that you text repeatedly and called FIFTY TWO times in a row and she wouldn’t answer? What was the point? I mean, I guess right now it no longer matters. I’m glad I was asleep, because knowing me, I wouldn’t have come over immediately had you asked me to. As much as I hate you and what you did to us, I still love you. And I hate that, too.

Don’t drunk text me. Don’t drunk call me. Don’t try and make me your 2nd option when you’re lonely when I should have ALWAYS been your ONLY option. Let me move on.

Leave. Me. Alone.

Love,

Your Wife

A little explanation on why we were so worried he might be dead… He disappeared shortly after he had his affair for 2 days and stayed drunk and didn’t go to work and called me on a Sunday to come get him and take him to the hospital, he had been thinking about killing himself. So of course I did. He has major depression and has been medicated for it before, but doesn’t take it anymore since the affairs started. He has a gun and has threatened to use his gun in the past. I don’t WANT to worry about him and his wellbeing. But I also don’t want police to show up at my door and tell me my husband is dead. Our kids are already trying to heal from the affair and him leaving. To add more trauma on top of it would kill them, I think. it would probably kill me too, honestly.

Other than my anxiety filled day, it was a good day once I knew he was alive. I didn’t cry at all, but it’s still fairly early I guess… Here’s to day eleven.