Broken

For 10 weeks I’ve been stuck. My life got flipped upside down and turned around in February. I was sitting at work, a really chill shift 11pm-7am. Around 4 in the morning I received a message. The message I received “Hi, I think we know the same guy, Marcus. Just to let you know, he has another baby on the way.” I was in shock. My chest hurt so bad. I started sweating. Got light headed. My eyes started watering. I WAS FURIOUS. He’s really having a baby on me. But I was at work. I HAD to pull it together. It took EVERY LAST BIT of strength for me not to break down. I still had 2 1/2 hours left to go. Thank goodness for these mask because I just could not fake a smile. In between my mind going miles an hour I had to put on the fakest customer service voice. After days of going through grieving emotions I put the pieces together. My boyfriend works on a ship. He came home a week after thanksgiving for break. Had sex with me and her and got us both pregnant. Yes me and her got pregnant at the same time. I did decide to unfortunately get an abortion. I had to really contemplate things. We had a 3 month old baby. I was pregnant with twins and knew that it would be more difficult than my previous pregnancy. With his job and being out to sea so much missing 85% of my pregnancy with our daughter I just could not do a twin pregnancy on my own. Now with that information I’ve given you could you imagine the betrayal that I felt. To know that I was no longer pregnant but, that someone else was pregnant was really tough for me. I’m still in a relationship with him. I was trying to stick it out for my daughter but I really don’t think that I’m strong enough to handle this. Especially with that new baby expected to be delivered less than a week before my daughters birthday. So now my daughters birthday is going to be really tough for me as well. It should be a happy time, She’ll be one. I know that I’ll be putting on the “I’m fine” act. It’s just a slap in my face all the way around this whole situation. I’ve lost a lot of respect and love for him. The only reason that I am still with him is for my daughters sake. I honestly don’t know what my future holds. I can only take it one step at a time right now. BUT my mind is slowly leaving him and I know soon my body will follow.