a bit of an update

My neice’s first word was puss, it was adorable, once she got a little older and her ocabulary expanded, she called all cats including her stuffed toy cat, ‘meow’.  It was the cutest, anytime she saw a cat she would claim with such delight ‘oh! its a meow’  It is absolutely adorable.  Two days ago outo f the blue, she started saying cat.  No more meow, its all cat this cat that look at the cat … i was so so so sad not to hear say in her cute little voice, ‘oh a-me its a meow!’  and because she is growing up way too quickly for my liking … im not going to hear her say it again.

Last weekend was my sisters wedding, it was one of the most fun family events that i have been to in a long long time, ok yes i did get compleatly drunk, lets face it, they planned for it to be that way, with 47 guests, and 78 bottles of fine, 20 bottles of champaign and who knows how much beer!  If you do the math … then it equates to a jolly good time.  I had my hair done, wore a very pretty dress and black pattent leather mary jane style high heels.  Yes i got super girly for the night, and i felt rather pretty.  Aparantly though, when i am drunk i like to lean on people, and i like to repeat what i say … like a lot, but hey …. i had a great night! There was only one down part to the whole night, it happend like 2 minutes after my sister was officially married, my father asks me so everyone can hear, so amy … when are you going to get married, its your turn now.   yeah … thanks dad.

So … my crush.  Well .. she is straight, she is so frigging hard to read, i can’t tell wether we are friends, work friends, work colleages, nobodies??? I am the kind of person who works well with labels, labels give boundries, labels lets me know what to expect, how to be.  So when it is all a bit of a mystery, i kinda of feel lost.  So my crush … well … its a bit hard to keep the flame burning bright on a straight hard to read work colleague … but i would be lying if i didnt admit to her invading my thoughts still every now and then.

I kinda felt a little lost over the last week or so … a few things happend at work that really crushed my spirit, its a long story what happend, but basically i didnt do anything wrong, but someone felt very threatend by my presence, they felt a little jealousy and insecure, oddly enough at the same time it really showed me the best in a few people, such as one of my doctors/bosses who without question defended me, protected me and respected me … so in that sense, i have no complaints, but still, i came out of it a little less sure of myself, and its taken this weekend to realise that i wasnt being true to myself, that because of someone elses insecurities i was shying away from being the person that i want to be, and really, im not being fair to myself.  Im probably rambling a lot here and not making a lot of sense, it makes sense if you know what happend … but yeah … not sure why i dont want to write about it in detail, just know that im not ready to.  But tomorrow i will be back at work, happy, confident and ready to be told off for giggling way too much.

Oh and little birdy is still my current soundtrack to life.