The times keep changing

First off I guess I will say that I have a new boyfriend….ignore the previous entry, Andy’s a douche bag and I don’t feel like talking about it anymore. I’m tired of it and I wish nothing had happened, I wish Andy and I would have just been friends. But I guess out of the whole situtation, came Brent. Quite possibly the perfect guy. We started dating June 14th. He is really…perfect for me. Yet, as perfect as he may be, I can’t seem to fucking treat him right. Not that he says that, he says that I treat him so awesome. But all day yesterday I was just sarcastic and bitchy, I mean..thats how I am with all of my friends, but still..its hard to explain, I feel like sometimes I do it to push guys away when I’m starting to get to close to them. I don’t want to be hurt anymore, I’m tired of being hurt.

And also…as of today, its been exactly 2 years since the day Brian and I first started dating. And I thought about him when I was driving home after I dropped off Michael last night when I had my Ataris CD in and song number 8 was on and the lyrics were:

"As I sit here all alone

I wonder how I’m suppose to carry on when you’re gone

I’ll never be the same without you

I love you more than you will ever know

So maybe now you finally know

Sometimes we’re helpless and alone

But you can’t let it keep you weighted down

You must go on"

and then Brian popped into my head…then I was like oh no what day is it…and it was 12:19 on June 19th…June 19, 2003 was the day that Brian asked me out. And so I just needed to drive around and cry for a while. And then I was like what the fuck are you doing Melissa you have a great boyfriend, who treats you like a queen, and you’re crying over some girls husband…cause he’s married now, ya know. And I realize that I talk about my exes a lot with Brent, just cause I’ve dated a lot of guys I guess, and so important parts of my life, or humorous ones, have been spent with exes. And I’ve apologized to him for talking about them…but I realized I haven’t told a single story about Brian. Because he’s the only one I get sentimental about really…I guess him and Jon. Like stories have come up with about Brian and I just am like "my friend was supposed to fix that on my car but they never did.." I don’t know why I’m talking about this.

I guess I really just wanted to update you guys on my life. I have the most fantastic friends ever. I have a wonderful boyfriend who actually seems to like me, through all of my retarded faults, even though he’s going into the airforce soon, he still wants to date me and wants to get stationed at Offutt.

But I’m going to go now.

love always.