I’m better than you

Hey! I haven’t written in a while, I’ve been super busy. But everything is on the up and up.

Andy is, I realized for the 2nd time, the biggest douche bag I’ve ever met.

And I realized finally that I’m in love. And it feels natural. Its a love that just dawned upon me, because I didn’t want to be in love. I was scared because the last time I said I was in love, everything got screwed up and my heart got broken. I mean, I’m over that and everything, but…its just scary to think that could happen again.

But, its Kenny. And I’ve known him for almost a year now. And even though we only dated for a week, like right after we met, I’ve lately realized that he’s perfect for me. I realized it when he came back into town to visit, because he’s in the army and now he’s in North Carolina. But he was in town for a week like a month ago. And I was dating Brent at that time, but I knew it was wrong basically from the get-go. Just like every other relationship I’ve had within the year. The day after Brent and I started dating, Kenny came into town and I hung out with him almost every night…and I slowly realized that I indeed was very much into him. Brent and I broke up the night before Kenny’s last day. And at Kenny’s going away party, there was that like sexual tension thats always there..but not sexual tension really…but like…just tension, because we both always liked each other but there was always the worst timing. But at one point we were standing really close and we finally kissed. And it wasn’t a sexual lustful "i wanna do you" kiss. It was just like slow and passionate and amazing. I got the world’s best feeling after that. Everything felt right. Nothing more was expected of me. Because Kenny’s always liked me and respected me more than that, which means all the world to me. And that night also, he proposed to me, with a fake cheap ring at the kwik shop…it was so cute, and i still wear the ring because I’m a hopeless romantic lol.

But then he left and he called or texted me everyday for a while, then out of nowhere the calls stopped, and I found out that he hadn’t paid his phone bill. So for like 3 weeks I was waiting and waiting, and I’d try calling and calling. But to no avail lol. But I’ve been staying at Kimber’s house like every night, because I can lol. And sleeping in Kenny’s room cause I’m moving in there. But, yesterday I told Kimber how I had a dream the night before and Kenny was in it. Kenny and me were just lying there and all of a sudden he jumped up and was like I have to get a tattoo! or something and I was like right now? and i looked at the clock on the stove for the LONGEST TIME and I remember the time saying 930. And so when I was at work I was like why did the time matter so much in my dream?? And so I was like hmm..maybe thats when Kenny will finally call, 930 tonight! So I joked with Kimber about how I HAD A VISION! And I’m like the white version of Raven! I’m Dove! lol I’m funny. ANYWHO. 930 that night comes around and I kept getting calls..but none from Kenny lol. Then around like 330 am I went to bed after talking to Kimber, Julie, and Ed about marrying their son and all of that lol. So I’m sleeping down in Kenny’s room and I woke up for a bit at like 849 am, and was like forget that and went back to sleep. Next thing I know I’m being woken up by Kimber "running down the stairs yelling ‘YOU’RE A DOVE YOU’RE A DOVE YOU’RE A DOVE!!!!’" and I was like "what?" and she’s like GUESS WHO CALLED JUST NOW AT 930??" and I was like "…no way. don’t fuck with me" and then Julie comes walking down the stairs and she’s like "Kenny’s on the phone" and I was like …what time is it? And Kimber was like 930! And I was like AHAKLALAGKAOGSAKFASLKLLAGL;GKA;KGKL;AFKOADKL NOWAY AKODLFLLGKAL. lmao. except I was half asleep so it was more like….noway. lmao. So they let me talk for a minute and I tell him how I had a dream that he would call at 930 lol and he was like REALLY you’re dreamin about me? haha. And Julie said she told im that I was sleeping in his bed and he was like "THAT’S hot." and she told him that I really like him and he was like "I REALLY like her." lovelovelovelove. SOOO happy. I kept getting the phone cause he kept wanting to talk to me. and he said he hasn’t gotten my letter yet. 🙁 I sent him a letter cause I was getting impatient lol. And wanted to tell him how much I miss him. I really started to realize how much I love Kenny when he stopped calling…cause you don’t appreciate stuff til its gone sometimes. So…yay. 😀 And when one day I was sitting here at Kimber’s and someone brought up how I stayed the night with Kenny twice when he was in town and I was like "yah, but we didn’t have sex or anything like that" and Julie, Kimber and Kenny’s mom, said "yah thats what Kenny said. He said he wanted to base a relationship with you off more than sex." lalalala. It feels so good knowing a guy doesn’t expect sex from you. Knowing a guy can like me for who I am. The best feeling ever.

And Julie was saying how Kenny wants to just settle down finally. And he’s always loved kids and wanted to be a father. and I was like <33333

Because I’ve never really been career orienteed, I’ve always just wanted to get married and have a big family. Thats the big reason why I’m not going to college yet…I really don’t know what I want to do. Because my passion has always been to have a family and be a mom and a wife. I mean I want to work also and make money but I don’t want to be the main driving force for money. I don’t want to be driven by a career.

But, yah, Kenny’s getting a verizon phone soon!!! On the 1st! And he’s gonna call me all the time he said! 🙂

I love being in love