I wish you luck

I don’t know what to do….I don’t know why he has this effect on me. I don’t know why even after what happened before he’s the only one I want. Signs point to him wanting to be with me, sometimes…and others I’m just left speechless with no answer as to what he wants…but in his latest blog on myspace he said he’s tired of being single…I know that I said I broke up with Brent because I didn’t want a boyfriend….and I thought thats what was true, but *he* is the only one who has made me feel this way in so long. I seriously, do everything for the kid, and I don’t know why. From the moment I met him, I was there to listen to him when he needed to talk. I want to be with him, so bad. And now that he wrote he’s sick of living the life he’s living right now, and that he wants to be in love again, and not be single…I’m scared that maybe its not me he’s talking about. Though it really seems like it sometimes. Most of the time it seems like I am what he wants, but I’m not with him all the time, I don’t know what kind of a player he is. And I wrote him a message in response to his blog..and I told him that I want to be with him, if he wants to be with me. I’m scared to read what he says..I know that he kisses me, and likes to hang out with me really late at night, and he said he liked me a lot before, and I’m just so confused…I think he wants to be with me…and I just keep rambling about this over and over again. He knows I can read his blogs…he knows I can get into his account too, cause I have his password, but I’m too scared to like log on to his account or anything lmao. I just keep rambling on about it because I’m so nervous…I’m nervous first of all that what happened LAST time, will happen again…but I can get over that. I’m also nervous that he doesn’t even want me the way that I want him. But..all signs point to yes…its little things. Like when he kisses me. Or when we were trying to find this party in Millard or wherever the other day then realized that it wasn’t gonna happen anymore and we saw like 3 cars of teen boys following each other, so we decided to follow them and they parked somewhere and we were getting ready to park next to them and then I was like "aw its all boys" and he was like "well thats fine its not like we’re looking for anyone right?" and I was just like…confused. and I don’t know what to think. The only times I get confused about what he wants, is when he doesn’t call when he says he will. I just hate not knowing…so I know it was a risk to put my heart on the line and be vulnerable…but life is nothing if you don’t take risks. I couldn’t live not knowing..was this his way of trying to get his point across to me that he wanted to start something more serious with me? You never know unless you ask. It may end up that theres another girl that hes that close with..it may be. It may be that yet again I was being optimistic about something that I shouldn’t be optimistic about. But I’m not gonna sit here and ponder it anymore…ok well I’m not going to write as I ponder lmao, I’m just going to watch the new episode of the Real World lol.

wish me luck