Relationships …

June 20th, 2004 I met you and I felt we had a wonderful opportunity to start over … we went through so many challenges "together", we grew closer together, we supported each other, loved one another and I dont know if I would have been able to get through all I did without you…

There was good in our relationship and then as time went on it got more and more difficult.  I see now looking back that it has been a continuous struggle to move forward together. The fizzle and dazzle are becoming flat and dull.

On my way to see you last night … I was in a great mood, and was ready to have fun with you all night. I called you to tell you I was on my way … you seemed blah and I said I would see you when I got there.  I called my friend on the phone, you called me and I did not know.  When I did get your call it was like you were totally put off and said something like "Yeah I figured you were talking to your daughters or your friend because whenever I call you you are supposivley talking to them. I took that as … you say your are talking to them but you probably are talking to someone else…. I did not appreciate you calling me a lier and that is how I saw it… always doubting me, no trust at all.

I left your apartment last night after sitting beside you, on the chair near you from 9pm-midnight watching you play "Portal".  Granted its a great game, I enjoy playing it also but what about our time ???  Why dont you think of US and what we can do together?  a two-player game, or play Portal for an hour and then we could do something.  You asked me if I was hungry and I said yes but that went no where.  You said as you were playing "Honey Im sorry you are bored!"  I thought to myself bitting my tongue If you were so sorry and you realized I was bored then why do you continue to play the game.  You invited me over to watch you and cheer you on ????  I did say "OH really!" and you said "Yeah if I wasnt sorry I wouldnt have said that"  How lame is that!  and I sat there waiting for something to change … and it did not.
So at midnight I announced that it was late and I was going home now.  Still holding on to your controller, looking at the tv, you said … I thought you were staying the night…. "My thought"… come over and watch you play for 3 hours and probably for another 1 or 2 hours and then go to bed …after no interaction verbal or otherwise with you … is that when my time to shine would be ???? I dont think so!!!
I told you that there is no reason for me to stay and you said "OH so I am not a reason WE are not a reason?"  my response was "I dont see a WE all I see is you, your controller and your face in the tv since 9pm"  "Have fun, enjoy your game and I will talk to you later."  You said something as I was leaving but I did not hear you … I got in my car and drove away, came home , made something to eat, and went to bed … wondering to myself

Why do I have such a stupid life … I must be stupid …
This is not what I want my life to become … one disappointment after another…