Nothing Ever Changes only More Time Passes
I sit here and all these thoughts and feelings flood my head. I want so much to connect and talk to someone that cares about me but there is NO ONE … life is so disappointing. . . lonely . . .
I do not know why it is so difficult to have that wonderful life that others seem to have and be surrounded by family that love you and care what happens to you.
Recently I have been having terrible headaches … went to the doctor to find that I have all of a sudden high blood pressure . . . I kept it to myself then when someone acted like they cared I opened up and told them what I was going through … my one daughter responded "yuck" and that was all she said … never called to find out how I was or how the testing went when they sent me to get a CT scan on my head because the headaches never went away after I started the medicine. My sister was distant and gave a half hearted good luck with that in a facebook email. Someone I shared a lot of time with mocked me in a voicemail message.
I so miss having someone to share my feelings with … to engage with and listen about his day … to be a REAL…
I feel as though Im going to be alone forever and ever …. what did I do to deserve this???
Hi there, I feel your pain. I had a diary on here from 1998 but have just restarted things as I need to get some things off my chest. I’m not separated but wish I was – should have done it in mid-90s but knew that it would be hard for my partner (won’t call him a husband though we are married, but he has never treated me as a wife, more a caregiver), so I stayed. Bad decision, now I’m trapped because of his disability.
Why would your daughter say “Yuck” because you have high blood pressure? Many people have high blood pressure, especially with the stress we’re all going through at the moment. I hope you have the medication to lower the blood pressure and that it’s working now.
I’m still with my ‘husband’ but really I’ve been alone for years. My childhood was awful with parents who didn’t care but I thought marriage and kids would be better; it seemed as though it was for a few years but I was fooling myself. I always made friends with people older than me and have had a couple of really good friends but have lost them in the last 2 years so feeling more alone than ever. So you’re not alone – I think there are many people like us who feel that nobody cares. I think it’s too late for me now in my mid-70s, but I hope it’s not too late for you and that you find someone who really cares.
@notdeadyet
Goodmorning thank you for responding, it meant a lot. That post was 10 years ago that I wrote however I am sad to say things are pretty much the same. Constantly being disappointed or maybe expecting to much from others. Some have nothing to give and then there are others like us that seem to sacrifice our happiness to give to others.
Why my oldest daughter said “Yuck”? I dont know 🤷♀️ maybe she didn’t really care, maybe she didn’t want to engage on that topic. Well she’s pretty much the same 10 years later. She has gotten better a little bit. We live minutes away from each other and she never pops by with my granddaughters to say hi. I love her so much but am very hurt by her absence in my life. I have two other children who live a distance away. I hear from them more. I need them in my life but I’m not as important as I once was I feel. They have their lives.
I’m so sorry about your marriage. It’s a difficult decision to want to leave the man you married and then to put it into action is not easy. You sound like a very loving and caring person. He is lucky to have you. Sorry for his disability I’m sure it has not been easy. I never believe its to late although it always feels that way. Especially when someone else’s well being is at stake and they need us. We tend to help them before we think of our selves. Unfortunately I have put myself in that situation helping out an ex. Uuuggghhh.
It’s not easy and seems to be getting more difficult 😥 Disney made it feel so easy to find true love and live in bliss forever more. To many faces disguised and their identities and hearts are illusions to us. Sad you have to be on guard to keep yourself and your heart safe.
I only wish and hope ♥️
My name is Debra and if you ever need someone to listen I’m hear. Hope you get my response. Not sure I did this correctly.
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