Whew! …
… another holiday season is over, and I did pretty okay this year. I was still slightly checked out from everything, but the day came and went with everyone intact and no bloodshed. I love my kids, but man it’s not easy watching them behave like they were in high school. One of the tough lessons I learned this summer was that they are my world, but not my Entire world, and letting them figure out their relationships with each other is their business now, not mine. Not always easy, but the burden of worry is a lot less than it used to be.
I’ve been putting time and attention into writing short stories and poems and posting them to an online writing forum community. It’s been three months since I joined the community and everyone seems friendly and helpful, but I feel like I’m a little kid at the gate to the big kid playground. Thing is, I think that insecurity comes from lack of experience, and the only way to change that is to keep writing and posting, writing and posting, writing and posting … and more importantly, not let on how fragile and insecure I am. Eventually, you would think I wouldn’t feel like that anymore, but we’ll see.
I’ve also been doing a lot of reflecting over the past year and the progress I’ve made in self-awareness and setting my compass for the coming year. I’m going to take a big step and create a website … my playground I suppose, where I can be me and leave the insecurities for other online communities. I’m not afraid to play by myself, and who knows, maybe my vibration will attract people who want to play too. As with anything that matters, the only way to make things happen is to do something.
I do have a few new insights from my shadow side that are revealing themselves, but that’s a place I can only spend a short amount of time in before having to come up for breath. The biggest insight (which isn’t all that new) is wanting to be seen and heard, and yet when I am, it’s like I’m a deer caught in headlights – and I totally know that’s from childhood trauma which just needs some more processing. I am a work in progress:)
I know I am a work in progress and I think we will all be done the day we die because then we will have accomplished everything….
@jaythesmartone
My perspective is that we are here to complete a list of tasks and lessons, and once our list is completed, we move on. I also believe we have one “thing” that we must fulfill before death, and until we do, we keep on breathing.
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We’re definitely all “works in progress,” no matter how young or old. The online writing forum community seems like a good way to get your creative writing seen by others. You can post poems and short stories here, too. I went through a very fertile creative writing period at Open Diary back in 2002-2003. It was cathartic and I was very gratified by the responses of my readers. But I have not done anything like that since then, but I wish I could. I really need to try that again.
I started a private journal to document my life in the pandemic. Writing is essential for me, and for you, too, it sounds like. Remember, online you are writing for an audience, but more importantly, you are writing for yourself with the willingness to share your gifts with others.
@oswego
Thank you for your thoughts O! Online is a place where I’ve played for a long while and have found different communities that have felt good, and then they just don’t anymore. I like OD because I can pretty much say what I need to say, and anyone who takes the time to read and respond is a wonderful perk.
I made note of this comment …. “online you are writing for an audience, but more importantly, you are writing for yourself with the willingness to share your gifts with others.” It resonated deeply for my insecure little girl inside 🤗
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