Went on a mini …

… SRT yesterday and I got totally lost!! It was fucking awesome! Last weekend John and I briefly talked about going for a drive and some hiking, and I assumed we were talking about yesterday, but apparently we weren’t on the same page Lol:) When I texted him on Friday to go over details, he’s like “uhhhhh it’s supposed to be windy” ahahahahaha What the hell? It’s Always windy here! I got the hint he wasn’t interested in going, and then yesterday morning he texted about lack of motivation and whatnot. He has tendencies to withdraw into depression and self-defeating thoughts and so on … I get it because it happens to me too, and when it does I just want to be left alone to sort it all out. His lack of interest in going didn’t stop me though, and by the time he finally texted saying “it isn’t going to work to get together this weekend because I want to get some stuff done”, I was already fuelling up:) and off I went. Oh man, I forgot how amazing a solo road trip is to clear the gunk out of my head so I can hear what my Soul has to say.

I headed south on #4 with no destination in mind, although I would have had to turn around at the border because I didn’t take my passport;) The sky was sort of overcast, but further to the south and a little bit east was a patch of blue sky with a cloud that looked like a woman kneeling with her head back, so that’s where I aimed. Almost immediately after making that decision, I saw a gorgeous Snowy Owl and as I passed him, our eyes met and that was all the confirmation I needed. After about 30 minutes down the highway, I pulled over to eat pistachios and an orange, and started writing. I was plugged and the words came out in bits and bites, but I pushed on and the beginning of a poem started to reveal itself. When I started driving again, I saw the biggest fucking hawk I have ever seen. So big in fact, that I pulled a uball in the middle of the highway so I could look at him again. Of course, I spooked him and he took flight as I got closer. His wingspan was huge and he lazily flew off into the distance, but I could still him — he was That big. I sure could have used my binocs (NTS – get my hiking gear from under the house). That was that so off I went again. I took a left onto a secondary paved road and then a right onto a grid and then another left and voila! I was in the middle of nowhere:)

I kept my aim on the patch of blue sky and watched as the cloud of a woman kneeling morphed into wispy fingers. The overcast skies were behind me and everywhere I looked was snow covered flatlands with rolling hills. I took another right and continued south. The more I drove the clearer my headspace became, and finally I heard my heart’s message … I am planning and living my life based on other people which isn’t the point of the freedom I gave myself by not working anymore; I am the only one responsible for my happiness Or unhappiness – remember to not depend on other people, places or things to fulfill me … message received, loud and clear! It was then that I realized how happy I was that John Didn’t come.

When I was ready to head home, I took the next right thinking the grid would eventually hit the highway … NOT!!! What I did hit was a dead end, but what a dead end! If the snow had not been at least up to my thighs I would have definitely tramped my way to a set of fir trees that were at least three stories high, right in the middle of the prairie! For sure they were planted by man, but …. no homestead, no corals, no remnants of anything other than the trees … a picture will have to do:) Turned around and got back on the road going south, then picked another grid heading west thinking the same thing, that it would eventually meet up with the highway … again NOT!!! hahahahahahahah This road wasn’t a dead end, it was a U-curve that would take me right back to the road I was on going south. Omg really??? So I parked facing the sun, cracked the windows an inch or so, put my seat back and poof – slept for an hour!! I woke refreshed and tried to hold onto my dreams, but they blew away across the prairie fields.

My mood was light and empty of anything except where I was, which wasn’t in the middle of nowhere … I was in the middle of EVERYWHERE! and the Universe was insistent on me continuing south. I eventually hit highway #18, a secondary paved road with lots of dips, doodles and potholes, running right through the prettiest countryside I’ve seen in months. Am I dreaming? Lost and yet knowing exactly where I am …. right here, in my RAV, heading south … freedom to be ME! What a feeling, and I didn’t realize how much I missed the feeling. Thirty minutes later I came up onto small town Saskatchewan and drove up and down the streets … all six of them! Other than a row of new townhouses and two new tiny houses, the rest of the houses looked tired and worn. Front windows covered, old trucks parked in driveways, and not a soul to be seen … that is, except at the town bar and grill on Centre Street Lol … typical small town meeting place on a Saturday afternoon. I had seen enough.

The town was on the #4 highway which would take me right back to my little city, only 118 km away. I set the cruise and for the first time on my mini SRT, turned on some music. I felt secure and back on track … oh, and before I napped I pulled a new Tarot … Wheel of Fortune … sounds promising doesn’t it?  Haven’t yet looked up any meanings, but the Emperor had run his course and my SRT was exactly what I needed to make a decision about where I’m going next on this adventure I call life.