The space of …

… substance expands with every day of not working.  I have determined that days feel longer, I enjoy my own company more than I thought I would, routine isn’t a bad thing, I love the freedom, but can see boredom lurking in corners and under the bed;) aka I’m not ready to retire.  The most important realization is that I’ve given myself the gift of time.

I’ve spent the week walking through my days in whichever way they took me and with the days being so short in daylight, I’m usually ready for bed at about 6:30 p.m. hahahahah which is abit ridiculous, but that’s exactly what I did last night.  You’d think I wouldn’t be tired for the amount of naps and early bedtimes I’ve had this week, but when sleep beckons, I listen and wouldn’t you know it, I sleep deeply and sound.  It feels like I’m catching up on decades of lack of sleep.  I believe alot of healing goes on when we sleep and that could have something to do with it too.  Naps especially are when I connect with guidance and information … less like a dream, and yet still comes through that way.

What I am enjoying the most is Not rushing and cramming life into chunks of time.  I wish society would look at time differently … less work, more play … that’s a generalization but it fits.  I was part of the rushing over the last several decades and remember it clearly.  I’m not shaming or guilting anyone with this observation, but I am realizing the importance of slowing down and appreciating life.  Maybe this is a mindset that just happens when we get older, but why can’t we raise our children and our children’s children to slow down?  Why are we teaching them to be involved in numerous activities with schedules and weekends full of going here, there and everywhere … rushing because we can’t be late for the game or practice or whatever.  Technology doesn’t help, and yet I LOVE technology … we just need to respect it, and I see humans abusing it and becoming addicted to it, and I see that to be our downfall …. sigh … There’s a reason why there are so many posts on FB about growing up in the pre-tech age and how we survived just fine … there’s a reason why “studies show” that no screens one hour before bed is important, not to sleep with phones or tablets and whatnot in our bedrooms, that not answering a text “immediately” isn’t the end of the world.  This takes practice though, and something I am going to do my best at changing in my life.  Respect technology, and also respect freedom from it.

After only four days though, I also see the merit in creating a routine of sorts in my days of freedom.  Way back in 2009-14, I used to spend the first hour or so after waking with prayer and meditation and some self-created yoga-type stretching.  It was at a time in my life when I was desperate to feel better.  I Needed to make a change in my lifestyle because I was dying inside.  It took practice and effort, but the more I did it the more of an impact it had on how I operated during the day.  Negativity gave way to positivity … the sun shined even though there were clouds … I had more good days than shit days.  I still have more good days than shit days, but ‘something’ is missing, and it’s the feeling that resulted from morning prayer and meditation … the connection to something bigger … so … that is where I start:)