One of the hardest …

… things for me to do is Not get involved in other people’s moods, even if I am involved to a certain degree.  Referring to John and Dan who have both admitted they’re depressed … now I totally get it that it’s not all about me, but it’s difficult not to connect withdrawing from sex with either one of them to their moping, and there could be so many other factors involved too that I am not aware of.  Winter sucks with short days and cold, and December is a shit month for lots of people … remember to understand … sigh … my heartstrings got snaggled up abit with John though, and I miss him but I still feel strongly about the direction I’m going in with my life and the decision to go SSS for awhile … maybe my ‘expectation’ of just being friends was too much … or maybe I’m just not giving them enough time to adjust.  They’re kinda in control now of how our relationship is at this point so I am letting it be as it is and not force anything … that’s when things can Really get broken … I guess I’m still adjusting as well.  At the same time, I’m not going to get caught up in their misery because I easily can and the BJ would love it if I did, but I am determined to keep depression on the other side of the door thank you very much.  Also, I have been working on a painting for each of them for Christmas which I am still going to give them … why would I not?  Really kind of a strange space to be in right now.  NTS – be soooo very careful if another man comes into my life … I can’t and won’t do this again with someone … besides, I’m not even looking anyway ………… sigh … I know one thing I need to deal with during SSS that I have been running from for almost five years … I can feel it in my heart 💚