My dream guides …

… have been working overtime the last few days.  From dreams where everyone doesn’t like me, to dreams of vulnerability, to dreams of emotional understanding and power.  It doesn’t even feel like I get any sleep at all, and yet I wake feeling fairly rested and directed.  I really need to get the bricks out of my shoes though and start moving abit more with things.  I’m beginning to understand the discipline needed to work at home and the effort it takes to stay on track with projects and ideas.  I don’t squirrel as much anymore and can get in about three or four hours at my desk at each sitting, which is a good sign, but it’s not yet on a daily basis.  New habits take time, and I need to remind myself of that more, plus the new habits that already have taken root since I stopped working.  A schedule wasn’t really something I wanted to live with, but I’m also beginning to see the merit in having one.  A routine is one thing, new habits is another, but a schedule is what holds the two together, and what better time to implement a schedule than the beginning of the month.  Of course there will be flexibility because I can change my mind, but I really would like to see some progress with my ideas and the only way for that to happen is to get off my ass and MAKE it happen.

In saying all that, I have the week ahead planned out with desk time every other day which doubles the time I’ve been putting in to sitting and writing; tomorrow a visit with my writing mentor at her home, Wednesday I call GoDaddy – the challenge, Thursday is research at the library, and Friday is a me-day … weekends are still weekends and they get filled with whatever.  Today is dealing with money – YUCK!!  I have the CRA needing numerous documents proving Dennis died and that his RRSP’s were transferred to me and not cashed in, then the tax service people I use to file my income tax returns Hasn’t filed my taxes for the past two years which was a Total surprise to me, and then Jordan owes me $1,300. for servicing his hot tub for the past year and he’s not paying and not responding to my requests for payment, so I have no choice but to take him to small claims court …. sigh …. fun fun fun!  I can do this!!

I may as well make note of what’s going on with John … he’s gone weird again … or maybe he never stopped … or maybe it’s just me … Idk … we spent a wonderful afternoon and evening together last Sunday and since then, it’s as if he has no interest in getting together, but then maybe that’s the vibe I’m giving off to him ……..  I’m back on this stupid relationship roller coaster and I don’t like the ride!!  Hmmmmm … “So Get Off!!!” is what I heard, which brings me right back to the whole co-dependency thing I got going on, which reminds me of all the dreams I’ve been having …….. interesting