Indulging has taken …

… on a whole new meaning for me since I devoured “The Signature of All Things” a week or so ago.  It’s gotten to the point of losing track of days.  Not that I mind so much because every day is a new day regardless of what it’s called.  I have continued to indulge in reading, both visually and audibly, and it is slowly taking root into my days.  I am currently reading May Sarton, on the recommendation from Dan, and her book “Journal of A Solitude” is basically her diary over a period of time.  She isolates (hmmmm;) and works through depression and writing and revelations and journeys inwards to find herself.  She is best known for her poetry, and once the library reopens I will be searching out some of her works.  I am listening to “City of Girls” by Elizabeth Gilbert, one my most favourite authors.  I can have her playing while I draw or paint, and poof!!! Hours disappear with indulgence:)  I like her style of writing – like the main character is having a conversation with someone else (the reader perhaps).  I will admit I haven’t done much writing lately, but the urge is getting stronger ……. I’m not in any rush with anything I do.

John has retreated yet again and it frustrates me that he doesn’t see outside of the box he has created, and he even got angry with me when I was trying to point him to the crack in his box that he could escape through.  He thinks he may have some underlying mental illness, but won’t say anything more than that.  In fact he retreats so much, I don’t hear from him unless I initiate the contact.  I have no problem in doing that; it takes a whole lot more to lose me as a friend.  However I’m taking a hard look at my needs and desires in a relationship, making a list in fact, which I have never done except for maybe when I would write letters to the Universe on balloons and then set them free.  My heart aches for John when he goes through these spells of self-defeat and doom because I’ve been there too … thing is, I’m not sure he wants to do anything about it.

I spent a couple of hours today on a scavenger hunt for supplies for my next door neighbour.  She has an underlying condition and has been instructed to stay isolated for three months!  I can only hope that the people who are out and about in the grocery stores and pharmacies are as certain as they can be of their own health.  I’m happy to help and check in with my body throughout the day as to how I’m feeling healthwise.  So far so good, although yesterday I felt like I needed to rest … a lot … so I did:) and today I feel stable.  The sun is shining and no wind, so I intend to go on another lengthy walk.  It’s as if we are being brought back to our senses … back to basics so to speak … Mother Earth is finally pissed off enough to ground us and I think we really need to listen because She’s done giving us passes.