I am determined …

… to finish rearranging the main living area in my house today.  I’ve only been doing this since Monday, but it feels like so much longer.  I’m ready to live in the new energy flow, or at the very least rest in it for the weekend.  I’ve taken all my painting supplies upstairs and it’s amazing the difference it made on the main floor.  I didn’t realize how cluttered my canvasses, paints, brushes etc. made the room feel.  I did keep my pencils and a sketchpad at my desk, and my watercolours though, but they fit in a drawer.  I need one more storage drawer/filing type unit, so the used furniture store is on my to-do list next week.

I had lunch with Nancy yesterday and as usual, a very good visit.  We talk the same language.  I learn from her, she learns from me.  She is definitely a blessing in my life.  It’s interesting how I open up to her about things that bother me, and somehow talking about it with her lessens its bother.  Dan’s behaviour for instance has been upsetting me, and it’s getting to the point where I don’t have time for it anymore, but I question myself because I’m still his friend.  By talking about it with Nancy though, it came out that I feel betrayed by his behaviour.  I trusted that our friendship was stronger than it’s turning out to be, and that doesn’t feel good.  I believe in choices … I chose to withdraw from the sexual aspects of our relationship … I chose to give him time to process and adjust, and understand his feelings as best as I could … I choose to be his friend, but … I also choose to let my friend go, along with his behaviour.  That’s not easy to say, and surprisingly there’s no tears, just a feeling of resignation and acceptance that this is the way it is.

Seeing as I’m on the topic of relationships, I may as well include John.  Completely opposite.  We text, we went out for lunch on Tuesday, and we talked on the phone last night for almost two hours.  The energy between us is easy and I don’t feel bad that we’re not dating anymore, and he doesn’t make me feel that way either.  We’re friends with an intimate history, and we have memories together that aren’t tainted with anything.  It’s nice:)

As for Russell, I don’t miss that energy at all!! and there’s nothing more to say about him.

A strange mood has hit, so I’m done for now.