What to do..

 

   I’m down to one pill that the ER doc gave me, i’m trying to save it till my pain is really, really bad, not that it hasnt been bad, i was in tears lastnight, ughh!
   Still waiting on Social security to get back to me, it’s been over a week, wish they would hurry..
   I’d like to get the insurance i had, i forget what it was called, but, it was good, when we first got it i went to the doctor to get a checkup and he sent me for a breast exam, which i was scared to death, my mother died of cancer and my younger sister battled breast cancer, thank God she is in remission now, anyway, i had a scare there, they found a spot, but, i had another exam and it was clear, it was a scary thing to go through, especially when you get the news that they found something then you have to wait to go get another test, when they told me what they found, my blood went cold and my heart dropped..
   I’ll never forget that day, all i could think about is " what if i have cancer?" then i thought about my mom and my sister, how strong they were, and i knew i would fight, just like them, they are my heroes..
   That’s the main reason i need insurance, i need to get back for another breast exam, theres a good chance that i could get it..
   I dont understand how i got this stupid stuff i have now, i thought it wasnt in my family, but, my sister said she does remember my mom having arthritis.. I would like to know more about my family history, like what my grandparents died of ect.. i did contact my aunt (my dad’s sister in law), i thought she could give me information, but, she never got back to me, i was disapointed, i havent seen that part of my family in years’..
  I just wonder if my grandparents’ had any of the problems i am dealing with now, i have no one else to ask, every one (who would know) of my dads family is gone, only my uncle is left and they havent gotten back to me..
   That makes me angry, because i have tried so hard to contact them, its like they dont want anything to do with me or my brother and sisters’..
   We did have a party a few years’ ago with my mom’s family, my uncle was in from Arizona, it was nice to get together, but, it felt like they didnt care, they had thier families and thats it..
  I did try to have a family reunion years’ ago,i was all excited, then i heard my cousin wanted to help, so, i decided to just let her go ahead and do it, but, nothing came of it, so, i gave up..
   Ive always loved family reunions, my friend always invites me to her’s, and the love you see at those reunions is wonderful, i always leave jealous.LOL its just great to see a family come together like that, and it doesnt end after the reunion is over, they are there for one another…
   We do have somewhat of a reunion between my sister and I, every year on the anniversary of my brother’s death, we get together to remember him, its usually a picnic, the one we had this year, i pulled my niece aside (shes about 7), i told her that she HAS to remember "this day" its for uncle Mikey, and every year her and her brothers’ and sister have to get together to remember him… I want the "picnic" to carry on when i’m gone, i know Maya will do this for me, she’s a pretty smart,caring kid..
   My other sister only came once to one of these picnics, she actually brought her husband and her kids’, but, that was in, this year she was busy, family vacation, dont ya know? that was more important that her brother who died, i guess, turns out they didnt go anyway, there was a death of a friend of thiers, but, we didnt miss them anyway, the only one i missed was my niece, tay.., she was close to her uncle Mikey, but, when shes 18 (2 more years) she can share that day with us..:)

 

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