What a sad life…

   I went to help Holly clean her trailor lastnight, i just went down not to long ago to clean it, and it looked like a tornado hit it again, *sigh*, I feel so bad for those kids’, they have to live in that filth, its the only thing they know, i cant even imagine how they will live when they grow up, its so sad..

   Taylor went on a field trip yesterday, to some park, well, she asked Holly for money and of course she didnt have any, so, tay had to go without any, i dont even know if she got to eat, i about cried, i dont have any money either, so, i couldnt give her any, Taylor shouldnt have to suffer because her mother cant handle her money, Holly gets a check every month for Taylor, social security, and there should be money there for Tay. when things come up like this! It makes me so mad!

   Mikey told me lastnight that he heard that Holly was taking food and money down to this kid she likes and his brother, she took a t.v down to him the other day, the t.v was Damons and mikey said when he gets home and finds out he will flip out, you dont do that stuff! your children shoud come first, shes taking food to these men that can work and go get their own food, and letting her children starve!

   Mikey told me he forced Maya to eat yesterday, eggs, leftover steak (that i took the time to cook for them the other night), Im just so frustrated over all of this, and my hands are tied, if i could i would take them all and give them a good home, but, as it is right now i cant even afford to feed myself, i just gave Holly another 5 dollars for gas lastnight, which comes to a total of 35 bucks, and i thought i was getting it back today, i counted on it, then i asked Mikey about it and he said her check she gets today is gone, she has overdrafts up the a**!.

   I just can honestly believe that she is my sister, we arent anything alike, sure im not the cleanest person in the world, but, i wouldnt live like that or make my children live like that, thats just uncalled for!

   The other day the Tss for Tay. came to the house, Holly and tay werent home, so, Mikey told her she could wait in the trailor, she refused because of the stink, Holly lets dirty diapers lay around, she kicks then under the couch instead of picking them  up and taking them to the garbage…

   Whats sad is, people see her doing all these things, living like that and they assume since im her sister that i live like that too, which isnt true at all, im really embaressed, actually to even admit that shes my sister, i love her of course, but, theres no call for living like that, none at all!

   When "we" were cleaning lastnight, she told me she was going down to ask a friend if she could borrow some cigarettes, so, she left, for half an hour, just long enough for me to get the 2 rooms she wanted clean done, surprise, surprise! but, i left soon after she came back, i couldnt take the smell, then when i got home Michael told me to take a shower, because i smelled from being inside her trailor, now thats sad!

   I just dont want the kids’ growing up asking "why didnt Osh do something to help us?" i dont know what to do, yea, i could turn her in, but, where would the kids’ go? i dont want them seperated, and i cant take them all in, and i guess the child protective people know whats going on, i guess they told her they didnt expect her to be super mom, but, to keep things clean, and thats it,, nothing else, the police know whats going on, Maya has been returned home by them, and the neighbors have seen Maya running around outside with a knife and no clothes on..

   I told Michael that i think Holly is messing around with this guy, and that i knows shes going to end up pregnant again, and left again, he just laughed, Holly is a baby factory (im sorry to say it, but, its the truth), men know they can get sex off of her and if she becomes pregnant, thats ok, she doesnt make them take responsibility, so, they just take off, never worrying about a thing..

  So, if she ends up pregnant this time, this baby will be number 5, none of the kids’ have the same father, they are all different, but, one thing in commong, they are all losers who cant stand up to the plate, of course it would help if my sister made them, but, she just doesnt care, she would rather let her children starve to death, which im sure will eventually happen..

   I just wish i was rich, those kids’ wouldnt want for anything, id get them the help they need, because the do need to see a phsychiatrist, all of them do, and Damon needs a boot camp, he is one child who is seriously out of control, and Maya is getting there too….

   I hate to leave them now because im the only one who they can really count on, I know on the 5th, Taylors graduation, she is going to have the best party of her life, she deserves that, and i want to make it special for her, i want her to remember it for the rest of her life!

   I know shes excited about it, Holly wouldnt tell her about it, so, when i was down the other day, i told her, she needs to get excited about something in her life, so, why not tell her?

 

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