The obituary..

Well, my sister called me yesterday ( younger sister), and i apologized to her for flipping out on her, i guess im angry that Mikey died and i was trying to take it out on everyone else, and unfortunately, she was there, i made her cry and i feel awful about it, she lost her brother too..

Anyway, she went to that meeting yesterday, along with my sister and brother in law, and my brothre in law acted the way i thought he would, he started telling the funeral director the things him and my sister wanted done, so, my younger sister told the funeral director what we wanted, and i guess my brother in law started running off at the mouth, and Holly told him we didnt need anymore fighting, and the funeral director agreed, and he also told them that i had called, my brother in law wanted to know why i was yeling at him or taking things out on him, i wasnt, i brought the obituary thing up, and he is the one who started in about not including my step father, and when i said i felt strongly that he be included, thats when he started on me, i just got up and walked out..

Anyway, my step father will be included in the obituary, i felt that since he was the only father Mikey knew that it was appropriate, my dad died when Mikey was very young and i dont think he remembered him to well, if at all, and even though we all had our fights ect. with him, it was time to put the past behind us and forgive…

My step father also had an insurance policy on my brother, so, his funeral will be paid for, theres evn 1,000 left over which will go towards a head stone, im so relieved about that, also, my step fahter bought my sister (Holly) and out fit for the funeral and he bought clothes for Mikey, i dont know if it was a suit or if it was a nice white shirt with a tie, we werent sure, since he was so young, what to put on him..

I wanted so bad to be at that meeting with the funeral director, but, i cannot be around my brothr in law and older sister for more than 5 minuts before i am biting my tongue and my blood pressure is souring, they want things done their way, they dont think anyone else should have a say in anything..

Now, im worried about the veiwing, when my mother died, my brother in law brought a camcorder in to where my mom was and started taping, i was so disgusted, i went out and told my step dad, he went in and talked to my sister and brothre in law, and eventually the tape was taken away, I dont know if there are people out there who do things like that, Tape a viewing, but, in my book thats just totally uncalled for! thats something you just dont do!!

Oh, i just want all this to end, wake up and my baby brother will still be here, this just isnt right, he was only 29 years old!! he cant die, he had his whole life to live, he was going to move to arizona to be with my uncle, go to school and become a nurse, then he was going to find the woman of his dreams and get married and have beautiful babies..

Maybe if i tell myself over and over again that hes not dead, it wont be true, i will call my sisters house and Mikey will answer, and he will make one of his farting noises at me.LOL or i will go down and visit him and will will "playfully" flip each other off, we did that all the time, then i would say "hey Mike" he would look and i would kick my foot up, i told him before that i was flipping him off with my toes.LMBO hed get this shocked look on his face then start laughing..

I remember when he lived here, one night we were taking about a Tom and Jerry episode, where jerrys uncle came for a visit, he played guitar and sang the crambone song, Mikey and i laughed so hard we had tears pouring down, he even found it on the internet, we listened to it and just broke down laughing..oh, boy, im going to miss him so much, he could always make you laugh, no matter what kind of mood you were in, now, i feel like i will never laugh again…

I do believe Mikey should have been a comedian, no matter what you always had a good time when you were with him, he had a wonderful sense of humor, always saying or doing something funny, i always envied that, he could come up with something funny in an instant, he never had to think about what to say, it was just a natural thing for him..

I am continueing with my driving also, i know Mikey would want that, and Holly said that he will be right thre with me when i take that test, and he will make me pass it, I really hope so, i need this, and i rememer him saying "if mom can do it, you can too!"

The last conversation i had with my brothre i told him he needed to get out of this town, that i was leaving at the end of the month and he needed to call uncle Dan and get out there as soon as possible….

My uncle Dan has refused to help us with the funeral he said he didnt even want to come home for it, and everyone is in total shock, thats not my uncle, he loved Mikey and did all he could for him, and to hear him say something like that is just unbelievable, he wanted to talk to Holly then he wanted my phone number i dont want to talk to him because of the way he is acting towards all this, i can understand a little, everyone was always borrowing money from him, especially my older sister, Tina, and im sure he feels like no one really cares..

Myabe he loved my brother so much that he doesnt want to believe this is happening, that if he doesnt come home mikey didnt die, i dont know, i dont understand any of this, at all!!

R.I.P Mikey, we love you and miss you very, very much!!!!!

*HUGS* TOTAL!

give taysosh more *HUGS*

Get hugs of your own

http://taysosh16866.tripod.com

my pet!

Check me out!