Driving, bleck!!!

Michael and i have decided that i wont be driving for awhile, he seems to think i cant do it, so, it was more his decision than mne, i wanted to get my own insurance (the best deal being proggressive) and a cheap, run down car, but, he talked me out of it..

Ive been driving 3 months on the 25th, i dont think i should be expected to be a know it all driver, i have problems with parking, sometimes, and yes, ive made some bad moves that could have trned out very badly, but, everyone has problems once in a while, even the most experienced driver…

Its gotten so bad that i have gone back to being nerveous and shaking like when i first started driving; a friend of mine keeps sayig "youwere thrown into this situation (driving), and you need time to learn without someone screaming at you", thats not going to happen, Michael wont let me drive by myself anymore..

He thinks hes the perfect driver, so, i am expected to be perfect, which only makes me more nerveous..

Yesterday i was going down the road to get out of the trailer court, well, this big school bus started comming up through, i paniced (the road isntbig enough for a car and a bus trying to get through, i knew i should get of the road, but, apparently i didnt do it fast enough an Michael started telling me what to do, i did get off the road, but, not far enough, the bus still coudnt get through, so, i took it upon myself to go beside the bus into the grass and continue down the road, which worked, and Michael didnt yell, so, i guess it was the right thing to do…

I do know when im going somewhere i dont know i get scared and panic, ive never lived here or driven in this town, so, of course i dont know where anything is, the other day we were going to the post office, Michael had me get into the turning lane, i thought i was turning the corner, he didnt tell me i HAD to turn into the parking lot, I looked over and there was this big white vehicle really close to me, and Michael was screaming at me to stop the car, i didnt know, he didnt say turn into the parking lot, luckily the vehicle stopped also, so nothing bad happened…

No when Michael is drunk its really bad, he turns the music up really loud and my concentration goes out the window..

Ive seen people use the wrong lane and switchback over quickly, but, when i do that its like a law has been broken! im not allowed to pull out if Michael thinks a car is to close, but, if someone pulls out in front of me and i have to practically slam on the brakes thats fine "they did nothing wrong" thats what Michal says, but, if i do that, i get screamed at!

Ive seen others’ parking jobs, whoa!! but, my parking just wont do, even if i have to back up and pull back in, he gets disgusted..

Im hoping penndot gives him bac his liscense soon, i cant take much more, hes driving me NUTS!!!

I did contact his sisterabout his drinking and the way hes beenacting, he did threaten to break my neck, and the landlord was called and talked to him about it, now im hoping his sister cantalk some sense into him..

The other night he got really abusive (mentally), so, when he fell asleep, i looked for his alcohol, and i found it, vodka!!! i grabbed it and dumped it out, i thought he would be mad, but, he thanked me the next morning, and we also decided totry our relationship again, he asked me to leave in October…

Everything has to be perffect for Michael, and im not a perfect person, i make messes and when im in a hurry, sometimes dont clean them up, i wait till im done doing what im doing, but, he throws a fit, and im used to just throwing things in the cupboards, if theres room in it goes.LOL that drove him nuts, ive since changed that, anyway, he said he couldnt take it anymore.. ust one more example of him trying to make me what he wants me to be, and ive told him i am who i am,im 38 years old, im to old to change…

In his fit of rage the other night he told me to get over my brother dying, that he was gone, well, that hurt ALOT, ill never get over that, and when i reminded him of that he apologized, he said it was the alcohol, ya know im tired of hearing that excuse, and i was starting to use it for him when i talked to people about this..

If alcohol makes ou like this then stop, he did so well for a month then he started drinking again..

*HUGS* TOTAL!

give taysosh more *HUGS*

Get hugs of your own

http://taysosh16866.tripod.com

my pet!

Check me out!