Expectations

·         “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George Bernard Shaw

·         “Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.” — Plato

·         “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.” – Epictetus

·          “It is greed to do all the talking but not to want to listen at all.” – Democritus

·         “There is all the difference in the world between having something to say and having to say something.” – John Dewey

·         “The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.” – Ralph Nichols
 
I used to think I was a good communicator. I was always a good listener and my replies were always considered and thoughtful. I admit I’m human, and that my communication skills used human emotion more often than and more overtly than would be desired.
I used to think I did not have an ego, that I considered my own importance less than others. Or is that some form of self effacing humility, should I be more egotistical?
 
 
I wonder what the value of communication is in a world that has all the technological tools to communicate when no one is listening. I need to understand and I have a desire to be understood. In a simple transaction recently I agreed to spend two years of my life writing family history and had the well expressed expectation that the book would have a book launch. The answer to when it would be was, ‘No, not having one, I’m not flamboyant.” I wrote and said I didn’t understand why when ‘you’ have a desire to preserve history of your family you then don’t wish to share it with others. I received no reply. So much for my communication skills.
 
I think the significant word in that equation is ‘expectation’, my expectation. Perhaps expecting anything from others is the mistake, even when well expressed and clearly enunciated it is my expectation that causes me grief. So expectation I need to give up.
To do that I need to be disciplined in doing only what I want to without that expectation.
 
It’s not that expectation is a bad thing. “I’ll be your friend if you’ll be mine.” When your not my friend in return is that fair. “I’ll build you a TV cabinet if you agree to pay me $250.00.” Do I have the right to that expectation?
 
Right or no right I need to do less. As they say, ‘less is more’
 
My recent sailing trip I sailed alone, or at least I didn’t sail with others. I wasn’t alone, there was daily radio communication on my schedule, other yachties I met, had dinner with, sailed with, swapped books and shared the joy of being alive. There were perfect strangers, the lady at the lookout that came up to me and talked. In 30 mins we communicated, understood each other’s life experience and both went away with a feeling of shared empathy. That filled my soul with joy.
 
Come back to the real world, and that joy is brought down to earth with other peoples expectations and fears. hmmmmmm.