How the West was Lost

And so there it was… the west.

After two weeks of cold, rainy weather in California, I am right back where I started. The cold, rainy weather of the east coast – minus the snow, okay maybe in the mountains – has found its way over here. In the meantime, I have also been job hunting and again after the two weeks I am still no better off than I was before.

Thank God for tax returns.

Why am I here? To gain residency, work, vote, drive, eat, live, run, walk, ride, communicate, learn, educate, improve… All wonderful things. I have the luxury of having relatives that live in the bay area and they have been nice enough to provide me with a place I can call home… for now.

Free of rent, utilities, and maybe food (a little later on this one), it would seem like I have the perfect situation.

As it turns out… a feud between my parentals years back, which ended up in divorce as most cases do, caused a stir on my father’s side of the family. Ever hear of a one-sided story? That’s what I’ve been hearing over here. I discovered printed e-mails regarding said stories and have gained plenty of knowledge. I’ve learned quite a lot about this side of the family… things I didn’t know before.

The History: My grandmother passed away in 2005 without much word from her. While she did pass in her sleep thus making it difficult for her to say anything, what I meant was that I didn’t get to say goodbye to her. It had been awhile since I had spoken to her as it is difficult to stay in touch 3,000 miles away… even though she was an avid e-mailer… I wasn’t. Needless to say, I was never very good at keeping pen pals.

However… she did manage to try to communicate by giving a call a few days to a week before she passed, knowing full well her impending doom. Unfortunately, an adolescent answered the phone and never passed on the information that she had called. Thus me missing the opportunity. I later find out through an e-mail that said adolescent received which he did pass on the information… two days later… that she had passed.

A knife to the heart. And a severed lifeline: my grandfather pretty much adored my grandmother to the point that once she went, a part of him went as well. His mind has begun to wander. He is partially deaf and has gotten used to ignoring people, because he could never hear them. He also interrupts what they’re saying with an agreeable "yeah" just because that’s what he’s used to saying.

Sometimes he’ll forget that you’ve said something to him and you have to keep reminding him about it, but that has been something he’s always done… not much of a change there. Yet once my grandmother left, he has wanted to go, too.

His heart is in bad condition. One of his valves needs to be replaced, but when the doctor told him he’d need open heart surgery he walked out of the hospital. Occassionally he’ll faint and regain concious eventually… but one of these days he’s not going to wake up.

He really misses my grandmother and would rather not postpone their reuniting.

So here I am, taking advantage of the nearly empty house and claiming a room of my own. Complete with… *gags* …dial-up, a nice big bed, an awesome shower (which experienced a… what do you call the opposite of drainage?), a car, and plenty of places to visit. I figured with the booming economy over here – which is actually a joke – I wouldn’t have difficulty finding a job considering my skills. However, I eventually learn that my skills are extremely limited and only apply to custom frame shops and art supplies. The real money is in computers, which I know enough about… I just don’t have proof. And I don’t know all the important software. We’ll just leave it at that.

Now, after two weeks of being here, exhausting myself with application after application (which I hate online applications, more on that later), I am finding out that all the places that showed hope turned me down for lack of funds to support another employee. I’ve turned elsewhere. I am in the midst of waiting for the call back to start a job working as a 1st lead at a chain art and framing shop. The position is promising especially when training and experience can bump me up to higher management positions; however, the position is for part-time only. An opening may occur should a long-time employee decides to abandon this shop for another one. Who knows how much this job pays, I wasn’t smart enough to ask in the beginning.

And then there’s her. Stuck back on the east coast, waiting and wondering when I’ll return. She was supposed to follow me out here in another two weeks, but those plans were cut after a meeting with my relatives about my grandfather’s wishes. Even though I cleared it with my uncle and my grandfather, my aunt spoke up about it not being a good idea. My grandfather likes his privacy and I respect that.

I… unfortunately, saw this coming.

I am torn. Do I return or do I wait for that silly phone call for a part-time position that I have no idea how much it will pay? If I return, I give up my two weeks into residency status and abandon the idea of going to school in the fall or spring in California. I postpone yet again.

This is not to say that I will never return. Oh… no. I am constantly realizing that I can move again. This time… maybe with her and with a better grip on the situation. I don’t want to be seen as someone who is taking advantage of my grandfather’s empty house. However, I am told that being here perks him up… provides my other relatives an opportunity for me to keep an eye on him. So I am not really mooching off him, persay, just getting benefits.

But I am miserable. No friends. No money. No job. No positive outlook. I feel like I am doomed out here. Is the economy to blame for my misery? Or am I just being too negative?