One-Hundred-Twenty: Reflections

You’ll Never Know Me

Having the Shadow brothers back into my life gave me a sense of belonging. I missed them terribly while they were away and even though Harry gave me comfort, it wasn’t the same. Yet ironically, I still felt like a piece of my heart was missing and floating away into nothingness. Still yet, I had to attend my classes. Finals were drawing near and I wasn’t about to fail now.

“Today, we will be writing a reflective piece. I want you to tell me about an experience in your life where magic was impossible. Tell me your feelings, your thoughts. There is no limit on it. Who am I to say how long you should write? This should be interesting…” Mrs. Burbage announced in our Muggle Studies course.

“Sounds like a lot of nothing to me. You can magic for anything!” Seamus Finnighan argued.

“Now, you must remember that this is Muggle Studies and they are not able to use magic. We are all human and there are times when we can’t use magic. How about a time of heartache, death, or even something darker perhaps? She suggested. Seamus gave her a look but eventually obliged.

I sat there with my quill in my hand. Seamus was right; there wasn’t much magic couldn’t fix. I sat there thinking. I shuffled through the years but nothing was coming to mind. Eventually, I just allowed myself to write. I didn’t know what else to do.

The words flowed through my hand like I was reliving a memory. This essay was becoming so personal. I was feeling my own sorrow as I began to write my words and recall suppressed memories.

Dear Tanya,

I am writing to you today to make you realize that a piece of yourself has gone missing. Usually so compassionate and understanding, you now give a cold shoulder to anyone that crosses your path or doesn’t consumes in you. I am having trouble grasping why your confidence has gone to the point of no return. You are a veela, and know how beautiful and enticing you are. On top of that, you know how much more you have to offer the world.

Perhaps we should recall back to childhood. You grew up with Alana in a suburban home in France. Your mother, Selena, had you both at a very young age and didn’t really know how to take care of you. Neither of your fathers was in the picture and Selena had a terrible case of post-partum depression. By doing so, she had a very permissive parenting style. Eventually, Alana (who is only 11 months older than you) went to live with grandmother while you stayed behind to take care of your mother. This could be the root to your problems. In and out of your life were many of her love flings, who tried to take advantage of you. One particular case was not only sexually abusive, but physically as well. We all know how vulnerable young veelas are if not closely guarded.

Watching your mother go through that sort of pain hurt you deeply, didn’t it? You didn’t understand how she could easily engage in relationships with strange men but couldn’t even give you a hug. Alana begged you to come live with grandmother but you couldn’t do that. Mother kept you there; used you really as a promise to others. How could you escape from that?

When your veela powers were making their arrival, the only person who had interest in teaching you and your sister was your grandmother. She helped you polish, control, and mold what you are today.

You never had to experience being alone, but on the inside, you were. You didn’t know what to do with all of this beauty. You often had to question who truly your friend was. You had to ask who liked you for the person you was, or who was just seduced by your veela beauty? By the sound of your voice, anyone could fall in love with you. That infuriated you. You wanted to be known for the person you were on the inside but so much had happened already, it was as if your insides were missing.

Finally, refuge. You were old enough to attend Wizarding School. You and your sister was sent to Beaubaxton where you were taught lady like qualities but you both thirsted for more edge. At age 14, you both applied for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and was accepted. The sorting hat put her into Slytherin and you in Ravenclaw. You didn’t know anyone here but quickly made friends with Cho Chang. Together, you were an inseparable duo. You had your priorities in order and loved life.

You were so sympathetic and caring toward everyone around you and well aware of human emotion. You hated being a veela and becoming who you were. You didn’t like to kill people, or be lusted after. You longed for someone to come along and see you for who were. Then…there he was. Sweet little Colin. Instantly, you shared a telepathic bond. One that you never had without anyone outside of family. He was there for you, even when Voldermort killed Cho Chang. That’s when the friendship truly began. You lost one friend to death to only gain another in life..….

I stopped writing. I couldn’t bear to write anymore. Too many painful memories in my head.