low down low

i don’t think i can go any lower.
my face breaks even as i think about it.
i feel
so alone.
don’t classify me as another ’emo teenager’
because i’m not.
but something is wrong.
something lacks.
something is not there,
that i feel like it once was.
a passion, maybe?
for writing yes…that’s diminished almost to nothing.
a friendship, maybe?
i strongly say more than a few.
so insecure, i drag myself from
dance class to
dance class.
i have not a surge of energy in my blob of a body
yet i can not eat.
i need to lose weight.
how do you be
well-rested,
confident,
lose weight,
dance harder,
maintain grades,
impress parents,
churn the artistic side,
force friendships,
and hide your wrists
all at the same time?

you can’t, and i’m realizing this now.
and i tell you what,
it fucking sucks.