The years in reveiw

 I couldn’t let the first day o the new year pass without an entry. I have wanted to write so much lately but I haven’t figured out nursing and typing this time around. I can, I just don’t want to.. 

Tonight I was thinking about new years past. 

8 years ago Travis proposed and I said yes, for better or worse I said yes. 

7 years ago he was flying over Iraq and I was packing up our apartment to go home…

6 years ago I rang in the new year with the house guest (anyone have read me long enough to remember him?) I felt lonely that night Travis was not readjusting well.

5 years ago I was pregnant with Samara… Travis was playing his video games hard core by then…

4 years ago I was living with my in-laws… Oh the fiasco that was.

3 years ago I was living in my own 2 bedroom apartment, I spent the night with my friends.

2 years ago I was in the 3 bedroom apartment contimplating a divorce.

1 year ago I was in this house, the house we own, and I was pregnant just barely with Sabastian. I didn’t know it that night, but I did. I didn;t drink that night because I had the feeling.

This year I look back at where I have been and where I am going. I love my family and my house, I love being the mom to 2 children. I am glad my siblings are such awesome friends now. I am happy to have the life I have. I am happy to be in school. 

This past year was a blur of nausea for me. The pregnancy was hard on my body. I however got the sweetest of little boys of the deal. I love him. I am still not sure what to do with a boy, I am scared for the unknown that comes with a son, but I am happy that he is mine. I truly love that little boy. He has captured my heart in a way I don’t think Samara ever did. I enjoy him more. I am enjoying the security and confidence with being a mom again. It is great. 

I am happy to see Samara growing so well. Therapy is finally going well and I am seeing a positive difference. If we could get ABA covered under our Tricare it will be a blessing If you would be willing will you click here and send a message to your HOR, It’s not just my child who would benefit but countless others. 

When it comes to Travis I had a realization the other day. It hit me I need to care for him, defend him, and help him to the best of my ability. I do so much for Samara with her DX of of pdd-nos and yet I am so easy to think Travis can just deal with the PTSD. That was unfair on my part, if it were physical and not mental I wouldn’t give it a second thoguht, so why with a mental disorder do I struggle so? I am resolving to try harder for him. I know it means I may not have the husband I want or need all the time, but I hope with time that he will come around and maybe we can be okay once more. It may not work, but if it doesn’t I will have tried. 

And with that I welcome the new year. I embrace the adventure and excitment I am sure is to come. I hope the year goes as well as the last and maybe better. I am looking forward to watching my little ones grow. We will have so many firsts this year and I am looking forward to capturing all of them and sharing them with you. 

I love you all in diary land, and I hope your year goes well. I wish you all lived closer and we could have play dates, girls nights, lunches. So many of you get it, get me, and I like to think I get you too. I am marveled how the internet has brought us together for the better. I wouldn’t trade any of you for all the facebook and twitter pages in the world. 

Happy New Year! 

(Christmas entry to follow one day perhaps)